April 13, 2005

Too few to mention

Fearometer: 8

Adrift in a small town I am aware that I have now reached the age at which I have regrets. The wrecage of previous events in my life still remain where they lay, the corner where something was said, the street where something was spoken of for the last time, the pub where something was left unsaid. I wasn't warned that Id have to participate in life like this- I thought Id be able to sit back nonchalently and admire the cinematography. I didn't realise I would have to feel things, or that a conversation could be so bittersweet. The timeframe I have in this town is different now, I pick up where I left it, like a friendship. But time moves on. I try to keep this place sealed in the past. But it isn't mine any longer. It never was.

- 3 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. it's so sad when you realise your home town is just a town isn't it?

    18 Apr 2005, 14:04

  2. aaa, regret, it's toxic. every day i regret things and nowadays some things i regret so bad all i want is to smash things for a few seconds and i get spasms down my right arm or i jerk my head involontarily (that a word?). but this has been going on for years now and getting worse i think, i.e. how old are you? or it's probably not a matter of age this sickness. don't let it get worse. sometimes it's silly and i super-regret something i wasn't even responsible for, but that's only very occationally and i laugh at it afterwards.

    what's the fearometer?

    21 Apr 2005, 17:43

  3. Hi Christopher,

    Im 20 now, but yeah I think this sort of thing crosses boundaries of sex, age etc. Regret is horrible- sorry to hear its affecting you like that, I really sympathise Ive done the same thing of feeling really guilty for something I had nothing to do with- I just used to sit there for hours worrying about stuff and get depressed (argh the word) about it. I guess there are certain personality types who are more susceptible to depression. I can step back from it a bit more now, but it does really mess up your life. Hope you are coping with it all ok, you seem to be doing really well.

    The fearometer is a scientifically calibrated device with which anxiety levels are measured- anxiety about work, life, and existential gloom.

    21 Apr 2005, 19:31

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