Gaps in meaning, like gaps in clothing
Youve been away for a while so you drop by to say hello when you get back. You've not been too far. You just dropped off the radar for a while. And so you drop the odd strap in words and expose something of youself, something memorable or secret so they remember you. And a version of you gets sketched in their minds.
You feel glad that you don't really know who you're speaking to. They dont see the limbs of yours amputated by their viewfinder. You are the author of this self, irresponsible of your charge though you are. You don't have to make it beautiful like art at school. This has no definite borders, you can make it assymetric or ugly, or one day destroy it altogether. You want it to be honest, but you're a liar by nature, and then artifice, there's always artifice.
You feel drawn to this exposure. You create an edifice around it. This definition in words helps to order the fuzz of your thoughts and trap you in the place it inscribes. This is indulgent, in the opposite way that the year in bed was, time away from the defining eyes of others. This is indulgence made thrilling.