Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is with immense pleasure that Brasssoc Services Group Airline Pilots and Garden Labourers division announce the release of the prototype of the all-new BRASSSOC BOARD GAME. This fun and unique creation came about as a result of
many hours of hard work and imagination having nothing better to do.
An action-packed and family-friendly game, the designers hope that the game will be perfect entertainment at social gatherings such as Cheese and Beer evenings, end of year parties and quiet afternoons in the Graduate. It is also hoped that it will educate new members of the Society in a little bit of its history and events gone by; older and ex-members, meanwhile, will no doubt have some of their happiest memories brought back to them.
[Disclaimer: BSSG accepts no liability for any consequences arising as a result of involvement in this game. Individuals partake in the entertainment entirely at their own risk. You’re all allegedly grown-ups now. Woodwind players should play with extreme caution. This affects your statutory rights considerably. More seriously, the Brass Society does not condone irresponsible drinking. This production is a independent creation of an ex-member and does not reflect views or opinions of the Brass Society in any way. For further guidance in responsible drinking in the event that this game is actually played, see the edits after rules.]
Now that’s out of the way, click the image below to expand the board. A full-size version can be e-mailed on request; Warwick Blogs doesn’t seem to want to support it in full 3485×2362 resolution and is limiting it to 1280×868 on my machine. The captions, however, are just about legible.
So that’s the board, and now for the rules:
What you’ll need:
- For a start, some way of actually committing the board to paper. For this to come out properly, you will probably need the full size version from me. It should fit nicely on four sheets of A4. I would suggest printing it out, laminating each sheet individually and blu-tacking them together. It shouldn’t cost too much (and anyway, what is the Socials budget for?) Note: This assumes you’re not lucky enough to own printing and laminating facilities that go up to A2 size.
- Some sort of small counter for each person playing. Preferably nothing sharp like a drawing pin; BSSG Airline Pilots and Garden Labourers division can accept no responsibility for injury caused due to use of inappropriate apparatus.
- A die. (Or a dice, for those that prefer using the plural despite only meaning one.)
- A large container of Brasssoc Cocktailtm.
- At least four 3 litre bottles of White Lightning.
- Lots of beer. And I don’t just mean a couple of packs, I mean CRAP LOADS of the stuff. If every player hasn’t downed at least 10 pints by the end, something’s gone wrong. It doesn’t hurt to buy too much – whatever you have left can be used next time. Helpful hint: don’t try using gassy lager. Once you’ve read the rules, you’ll understand why.
- A couple of empty buckets in close proximity.
- A coin may be required in the event that a player lands on square 101.
And now, the most important bit:
Rules of the Game.
- Everybody get a pint. The order in which players play is dependent on who downs the initial pint the fastest.
- Players take turns to roll the die (dice) and move their counter along the board the number of spaces indicated. The object of the game is to be the first to the finish square.
- Follow all instructions given on the white squares.
- The automatic penalty for not carrying out a direction on a white square is downing a pint.
- Pints must be downed without stopping. Hence the advice above about using gassy lager. If you are directed to down a pint and don’t manage to complete it without stopping, you must then down another pint. Without stopping. Etc…
- In the event that a player is directed to drink pints of White Lightning, the above rule is suspended for that player.
- Without intending to promote any gender divide whatsoever, blokes are expected to drink pints. Women are also expected to drink pints; however, if they really are unable to do so and would otherwise be unable to take part, bottles of VK, Smirnoff Ice or Reef (i.e. “girly drinks”) are acceptable on the proviso that they are consumed using the “strawpedo” method.
- Any player landing on a space which mentions an act or situation they have been directly involved in him/herself must down an extra pint.
- Fun must be had at all times. It is suggested that having “Brassed Off” on TV might provide some nice background atmosphere.
Enjoy. And if anyone has any suggestions or amendments, I will certainly consider incorporating them.
EDITS made since original release of board and rules.
[EDIT: I should also point out, in case anyone from the Union reads this, to my knowledge square 111 has never actually happened.]
[EDIT 2: Considering the remote possibility that this game really does get played at some point, which I didn’t expect it would, in the interests of promoting sensible drinking on a society blog feel free to substitute “pint” with “2 fingers worth of drink” if you so wish.]
[EDIT 3: In fact, unless you’re seriously hardcore and have the drinking capacity of a camel, I strongly insist that “downing a pint” becomes “drinking 2 fingers worth of drink” if the game really gets played; if someone landed on square 119, they’d probably end up in hospital shortly afterwards if they had to keep downing pints. So please do bear that in mind. But now I’ve made that concession, it has to be a proper 2 fingers – not just a little sip! IMPORTANT: the penalty for not complying with any direction given on the board is still downing a pint, regardless of this edit.]
[EDIT 4: I am aware of a few errors in certain squares on the board, plus a few formatting errors. These will be corrected soon.]