All entries for Thursday 18 December 2008
December 18, 2008
Corsica could've shimmered like a christmas tree for all he cared, but his head was full of the balloon above him, pulsating with the ex-in-spiration of heated air. Maybe forty-four seconds if he was lucky and then kablam-oh, this whole thing would split to shreds.
She had said as a joke but she had said "pack a parachute" but maybe it wasn't a joke, maybe it would've been smart. Did he really know how to use a parachute anyway? Do you just drop and wait til it feels right and not before or after and pull the cord and hey presto you're alive, sitting dazed on a beach in Corsica?
better perhaps to go like this. would be embarassing to fail to use a parachute correctly. coroners report would suggest a character rife with low confidence/self-esteem and o, no sense of personal consistency or conviction. he imagined it as a grade card for a bad academic year. red crosses and "see me" on a maths test at school.
Death is the last big test, he hoped, and then no more tests. Is there a heaven? he hoped not. Better than a hell. Or traditionally assumed to be. It would suck to go to heaven on fire. You're meant to go to hell if you want to be on fire. Do you get to choose to be on fire in heaven? Maybe he would choose to be on fire. Everyone else, every other loser, walking about in heaven, all serene and sanguine etc etc; be brilliant to be the one guy who said fuck it, I am going to spend eternity on fire. Everyone would think he was fucking mental. In heaven.
The balloon exploded but to him it looked like Corsica was exploding beneath him.