All entries for February 2005

February 28, 2005

seminar

Well, I have to be in uni by 9 tomorrow. And I have till then to rewrite my seminar and learn it. Oh this is just evil.

February 27, 2005

The end of procrastination

Patience is over now(and great fun it was too!!)- no longer do I get to prance around with a flower spouting out complete rubbish about butter, transcendentality of delirum, and aesthetic transfiguration :( Also now means I have no more reasons to put off writing my seminar. Damn. Should have thought of that.

February 22, 2005

figures

I was walking back from the gym today, and partly because it was a nice evening, and partly because I couldnít be bothered to untangle my headphones from my bag, I got around to doing one of my somewhat infrequent Ďthinking about thingsí.

This year the only accessible mirror in our house is in the bathroom and itís the size of an A4 piece of paper, so I havenít seen myself without any clothes on for about 2 months (actually, havenít really seen myself with clothes on for the last two months either, but thatís not as important). As a result, I donít really know what my body looks like, and to be honest, for the first time in my life, Iíve stopped caring.

Ever since I was about thirteen Iíve been bombarded with images of what the ideal women should look like, and ever since Iíve seen them Iíve wanted to look like that (you know the sort, flat stomach, no thighs, long legs etc.) It probably doesnít help that my mother has a complex about my weight (the result, I think, of a childhood being Ďon the heavy sideí) and will quite happily make comments worrying about its various fluctuations. It wasnít so much of a problem when I was thirteen- I was pretty much flat chested and was lucky enough to be able to eat lots of bad things whilst not having that much effect-all those articles in Sugar were mere entertainment to be flicked past on the way to the problem pages.

This all changed when I got to about 17, and all of a sudden hips and thighs had appeared-thereby ruining my chances of achieving the perfect slender body I always wanted. I got used to the idea of hips and breasts then and there, and that I was always going to be Ďcurvyí-something I actually quite like since I associate it with Marilyn Munroe-one of the sexiest women I think there has ever been. My major problem has always been…the squidge. Itís there. And I canít seem to get rid of it. Dieting, sit ups, starvation-nothing seems to shift it. (Then again, my will power isnít very strong) It never seems to get much bigger, but never seems to get much smaller. Today, I happened to be in the gym quite late, and it was empty, so I looked in the mirror. Even with the best will in the world, I know I will never have the figure that I aspire to, and even if I lose weight it wonít actually have that much effect. So from here on in, I figure I should stop worrying about it, tell my mother to sod off if she makes any comments, and stop feeling guilty every time I eat.

It is scary how much media images can screw your mind up about food though. I know so many people who do or donít eat certain things, or who have really weird eating habits because theyíre either desperate to lose weight or scared of putting it on. It probably doesnít help being at university where three meals a day is practically unheard of. Every one gets affected by it, and yet we bring it on ourselves by letting ourselves be told that we havenít got the Ďperfect figureí, and believing it. I know I havenít go the perfect figure, know I never will have, but for the first time in ages I donít believe thatís a bad thing.


February 21, 2005

Location issues

Three years at this university. And I still don't know my way around Gibbet Hill. Meeting my supervisor in 3 minutes and I don't know how to get to his lab!!

February 18, 2005

sorted. nuff said

Mwhahah!!!

Not only have I sorted out my love life, but I've eaten lots of ice cream to boot!! Go me!!


morning wakefulness

Due to the unfortunate consumption of a gin and tonic, white wine and a curry last night, I woke up rather earlier than I planned-and since I'm not the biggest fan of lying around in bed in the mornings I am now about half an hour ahead of schedule. So I figure I might as well type random things into my blog. Unfortunately I haven't eaten enough ice cream to come with anything interesting. So I will tell you some interesting biological facts.

…....

There are some really. I just can't think of any right now. Maybe I should ask some of the people I insist on telling these interesting biological facts to. Oh one of these days my lectures will go in!!


February 15, 2005

Taste

I've always thought I had relatively good taste in men. I mean I must do, because I've stayed friends with most of my ex-boyfriends. Only now I realise that the ex'love of my life', who I went out with for nearly two years I really don't like very much and have nothing in common with. Hmmm. Should really get to know people before I start going out with them!!

February 14, 2005

work, work, work

Yay. First time in three years that I'm single (ish) on Valentine's Day, and I'm spending the evening attempting to write a seminar on photosynthesis genes in phage. I guess everyone has something to look forward to!

February 12, 2005

the ususal..

My god. so much has happened since i last wrote. Jim, Ben, everything. I really should sort out my love life. It just seems to tie itself in knots without me even trying. Now I'm in the situation of not being single, not being in a couple. And it's interesting. Whatever happened to the whole pulling randoms and it not mattering. Why do I have to hurt people! I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to be happy. It just so happens that in order to do that I end up hurting people. Shite. Oh well.

February 2005

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