December 23, 2005

Yet Another

i dunno…

Pandora (A Poem for Doubt)

I once owned
this ladyís box
not knowing
what was inside
And i thought
I'd never know
until the
time i tried.

I won't waste
my breath
explaining what
you would
all endure,
on opening
that tender lid
and taking
whatís in store

For when I did,
I wished Iíd not
and cried
for many nights,
Getting up
To face
the day
became a
constant fight.

Iím glad to say
thatís over now
and I walk
where I please.
I gained strength
from that
pale box
and its
strange disease.

Now I'm not sure
if i should cry
or smile
or scream
or laugh
for once again
Iíve found myself
down its path.

Now I know
just what it is
itís hard to
stay away.
But if i do
i'll never tell,
for i will
be betrayed.

- 5 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Unfortunately, couldn't read this poem without remembering that line from Notting Hill.

    Spike: "I knew a lovely girl called Pandora once. Never got to see her box, though…

    24 Dec 2005, 14:42

  2. Seriously though, theres some good stuff in here. There are a few times when you are telling the reader what to think, especially in the second paragraph. Being a stubborn independent, like Mal Reynolds, this irks me.

    Try cutting/reworking "torment" and "tender" lid. Try letting the audience figure out how they should react/ you reacted to thre box. Make em feel clever.

    24 Dec 2005, 14:46

  3. decided i liked tender – i think thats suggestive without explaining when taking out 'torment' and painful elsewhere.

    24 Dec 2005, 15:10

  4. That's really good. I have no criticism to make…

    24 Dec 2005, 15:29

  5. result

    24 Dec 2005, 15:36

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