Burn baby burn !!!
You’ll all be pleased to know that I am currently sober and so this blog may have a little more content! Im having a ‘sweet as’ time in the most beautiful country ever. I’ll start from the beginning.
Having spent a night in Christchurch we hopped on the bus the next morning bright and early and travelled to Kaikoura, which is apparently the best place in NZ to see whales and dolphins. Excellent, thought Dave and I as we eagerly signed up for both activities. However, before we even got to the hostel the bloody whale watch was cancelled due to ‘south westerly bad weather’!Whose ever heard of a bloody giant mammal being put off by a spot of rain!So we sulked in the hostel for the rest of the day and eagerly awaited our dolphin swim, which I forgot to mention was due to start at 5.45 the next morning. Having dragged our sorry arses out of bed we arrived at the centre and got all togged up in the most attractive looking full-body wet suit attire, including hood!I looked like a giant black condom, for want of a better description…not that I know what a giant black condom looks like mum and dad, I can only imagine! Anyhoo, we were half way through the safety video when some chump walks in and says that theres a ‘south westerly’ coming in and the trip would unfortunately have to be cancelled. Dave and I were not amused, and if I ever meet this south westerly chap I shall thump him on the nose for ruining our trip to Kaikoura!
The next stop was Abel Tasman national park. The weather was absolutle stunning and really heightedned the already beautiful scenery. We stayed at a random little place called Old Macdonalds Farm, which was great apart from the mouse that lived in the toaster (discovered after having eaten toast) and the scary lamas that lived in the field next to our hut. They have very scary eyes. The first day we were there Dave went off to do his sky dive and I didnt because Im not a psycho. I met two lovely girls from England and we went off to trek round the coastal track of the park. It was a great day; the scenery was beautiful, the beaches were glorious and it was great to get to know Laura and Beth. We trekked for a good 5 hours and I felt very smug and healthy when I got back. Thankfully Dave survived his jump and said it was the most awesome thing he’s ever done. I still think he’s a psycho. The second day at Abel Tasman we went on a day cruise much further up the coast. Again the weather was splendid and we met some lovely peolpe and topped up the tan (which is fading rapidly). I managed to not get sea sick and Dav decided it would be a great idea to go for a swim in the sea. Ive never seen anyone swim so bloody fast – it was a tad colder than Samoa. Apparently, his balls shrank so much they inverted themselves! What a chump!
The next day we jumped on the bus and headed to the infamous Barry-no-town!As I said in my last drunken blog, its a funny little place. I spoke to mum this morning, and she said how worried you’d all been about us crossdressing and then hitting the town in red-neck-ville!.....Dave and I found this rather amusing! Its a barrytown tradition for all bus tour backpackers to crossdress, and we didnt leave the confines of the pub, so didnt offend any locals. Infact some of the locals came in to have a laugh at us all, especially Dave. We were on top form and managed to consume lots of wine and shots. unfortunately Daves shot bounced, but it was a tactical vom, and he was back wirth a vengeance afterwards. The night culminated in the most spectacular fashion with Dave falling off his stilettos and into the fire place. I didnt actuall see the fall itself, but was there to offer my expert medical knowledge back in the dorm…..I decided that savlon was the way forward….never trust a drunk medical student. Needless to say he was in quite a lot of pain the next morning having sustained three very impressive burns – one to his thumb, one to his elbom and one to his upper arm. he also thinks he may have bruisaed a few ribs. Drunken monkey!
We all very gingerly made our way onto the bus the following morning and fought off the urge to chunder for most of the day. I even managed to do some bone carning the next morning, much to the admiration of my compadres!I regretted it slightly, as the smell of hot bone smells kinda like the time I had to cut a cadavers skull off with a circular saw….vom-tastic!
We headed off to Franz Josef next, and the next day we all booked on to do hike the Franz Josef glazier. This was one of the most amazing experiences of my life!It was absolutel stunning. We all opted to do the full day hike which means we were walking from about 10am to 5pm and clocked up about 10km all together. The first hour was absolutely excruciating. Having gone in the slow unfit group i thought Id be Ok. Oh, how wrong I was. My lungs packed up on me completely as I huffed and puffed up all the chuffin ice steps that seemed to get steeper and steeper. However, once we got a bit higher, it was lots more fun and we got to do exciting things like squeezing through crevices (or crev-asses as our guide pronounced it, bloody kiwis) and jumping over big cracks in the ice and even climbing through ice caves. It really was awesome! Got back to the hostel and got pissed again, just incase I wasnt dehydrated enough from the hike!
Once again, the bus was very quiet again the next morning and we continued on to Makarora (or Macarena, as we renamed it). This place was even smaller than Barrytown, but the accomodation was stunning. The pub server fab food and had a karaoke tradition for us backpackers, with a chance to win some adventure bungy – highwire-psychopath activity malarkee. Dave was therefore up there pelting out such hits as ‘eternal flame’, ‘Youre the one that I want’ duetting with the bus driver, and Tracy Chapmans ‘fast car’ with the changing of lyrics to ‘fast bus’. I swear, the boy gets funnier by the day!
Today we travelled through the most spectacular scenery yet, through lake Wanaka, and on upto Queenstown. Ive just had a ferg burger, and now have a food baby. Ive never been so full in my life!
Anyway guys, best head off an get to the bar, peolpe will be worried!
Hope youre all ok. Im SOOOOOO missing everyone. Love you all loads and loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx