All entries for Friday 12 January 2007

January 12, 2007

Really Good Couriers (Part 1)

This is a work in progress, I expect masters of comedy like Dean Love to help me make it awesome.

Interior RGCHQ, Evan Bunkerweiner’s Office

Alan Twiddleclud has just begun his first day at Really Good Couriers and is really excited about learning the trade. He’s currently in a meeting with his superior Evan Bunkerweiner who is explaining what he’ll be doing today. Evan Bunkerweiner is some sort of fatherly boss figure, Alan is an eager but naive newbie and Clive talks like someone who went to Eton and Cambridge but is also an idiot.

Evan: Your first day is fairly straightforward, you’ll just be shadowing one of our seasoned drivers and learning the ropes.
Alan: Ok, but when do I get to go out on my own?
Evan: Steady son, there’s a more to being a Really Good Courier than just driving around picking up and dropping off parcels, much more! Ah, here he is, meet Clive.

Clive extends his hand to Alan

Clive: Clive Shuntrunkbag at your service.

Alan shakes Clive’s hand

Alan: Alan, Alan Twiddleclud. Nice to meet you Clive.
Clive: BRILLIANT! Let’s get this old hedgehog roasting!

Interior: Package Room

It’s the room where the drivers pick up the packages and load their vans. Clive and Alan are just loading the last few packages, there are a few other drivers in the room.

Clive: Right, we’ve picked up the goods, or “contraband”. Little joke that, keeps me sane!
Alan: Good one.
Clive: BRILLIANT! We’re going to get along like a ferret in heat!

A random staff member comes across to talk to Clive

Staff Member: Hold up Clive, we’ve got a late package for Bumcorp.
Clive: Another one for Bumcorp? CHRIST! That means we’ll have to do a CONSIGNMENT MERGE!
Random Driver: a CONSIGNMENT MERGE?! You bastard, I haven’t had one of those for weeks!
Alan: What’s a consignment merge?
Clive: Man, it’s times like this that i’m glad to be training the newbies. Ok Alan, a consignment merge happens when multiple orders from the same source are to be delivered to the same place at the same time, a little trick we do is to put them all under the same delivery. It saves us having to drive away from the recipient, turn around and then drop off the second order. Clever eh?

Alan looks confused for a moment, looks like he’s about to say something then wisely decides to keep quiet. Alan is learning.

Alan: Right.
Clive: BRILLIANT! Let’s go poach some eggs!

Clive and Alan get in their van and drive away


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