from the 2:1 babe and BO Dawn
from the 2:1 babe and BO Dawn
GOTCHA AGAIN!!!! HEE HEE
Russel Brand…....big brothers big mouth
Watch Dodge ball…......because it rules!
Cool Guy:"Just dont go crying to your mama when i spank you in front of all these people…."
Sad Loser Stiller:"Dont go crying to Daddy after I wipe it up with you're face"
Top B was amazing…but where was Bon Jovi?
The A–TEAM (Boo and Em–bobina)
watch the Friday Night Project, Justin and Alan RULE!
Since arriving back at our gaff…....
The bird feeder has reduced in size.
The bin is never empty because it is the size of a pencil case.
The T.V is never off.
The alcohol always magically reappears.
The Royals look like horses minus the Queen.
Flash dance is not possible at Score.
Old people can be cool.
When drinking 'purple' in a hurry it can spill all over your face and clothes.
Being in your early twenties can be considered by the youth of today as 'over the hill' .
Leave the Union when the night is over, otherwise you will be kicked out.
I just wanted to thank the gang for a wonderful 21st. I think it was the best birthday I have ever had!!!!!The Till Hill house looked AWESOME after nifty Lauren did a Linda Barker on the morning of my birthday and placed balloons, party poppers, and a shrine outside my room without me knowing-Wow I was loving it. Leamington was excellent, it was about time I had a delicious cocktail/yummy shots!I felt like a real classy bird on Thursday and can remember the event an added bonus….YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAA.
THANKYOU EVERYONE for my presents, birthday texts, and meal…
PS.After being driven in a car moving faster then the speed of light im suspicious that Sig is in fact a secret MI5 agent?any takers…...
Its the end of term and christmas is near and this means our last weekend in the Tile Hill House has to end with a BANG. Our weekend started on thursday, we got ready, drank, sang, and hitched a ride in our pre-booked Central Taxi to the the colosseum. The previous activities set the scene for the glamorous sophisticated hobbits to strut there stuff and shake that booty plus hair to some good old rock…well, that was the idea.
Our brilliant organisation meant that we arrived not at 1.00am, but 11.20. The bar was busy upstairs so went ran like headless chickens to the main area downstairs. Please take note, that downstairs there were 20 people scattered alongside the two bars either side the dance floor, as it is always a NO GO to enter the middle at such an early time in fear of looking like a loser. Following this code of conduct, we brought our drinks and decided to move to the end of the bar. This is when my humiliating yet rather amusing incident happened, im not going to let it traumatise me out of society. I will be back at the colosseum…..
By sporting my cheap New Look black stiletto shoes, I found it difficult to stick to the floor. As a result, both my legs split apart and despite Lauren helping me to get a grip on the situation I remained in the splits for a million years!!!!!!!!!with only my mini skirt as a form of prevention from the whole hog. I looked across between John Travolta pissed as a fart, and the ungraceful Vicki Pollard. In the process I lent to my side in order to place my half cider on the floor, after committing social suicide it transformed into a quater cider.
Everyone could hear my big gob laughter and see my clumsy split dance. One particular lady near died from hysterics and told her mates. Sadist- if i had witnessed such an event i wouldnt have laughed (yeh watever). What is it that is so funny and satisfying when someone makes a tit of themselves???its because they been lowered to a proper loser non-status!
Even though I remaind in an awkward position for a significant period of time I still managed to not fall on my arse, which in itself is an achievement. However, my spectacular imprompt performance sabotaged the cool image I was going for…..man that never works!
The Tile Hill split dance abstract slag
I'd like to thank the loo-brush for not disowning me and supporting me through my hour of need! Cheers babe.
The Hobbits had the usual dose of red wine and cocktail's in a pan, followed by the Noland's, Prodigy, and the Futureheads. In a hyped up mood for the night ahead, mainly induced by alcohol. We waited for an HOUR for a taxi-the number was 02476 22 22 27 to pick us up.
(Godiva taxis firm) dont use them they are RUBBISH. When we complained the woman passed herself off as Fred, somehow i dont think that was true! She underestimated the tile hill lady's cos were be onto her tomora!!! It might be the day of rest, but were onto those 'Fucking Animals'-said Paul Valentine in the Boar. Dont BLOODY USE THAT NUMBER.
My mate, the Loobrush, suggested going to the Colosium in Central Taixi's car. This was a wise move, because although the doors were shut when we arrived, we used our charm and sophistication (yeah watever) to enter rock haven. Eg, big bouncer hugs, works every time. Mwhahahahaha.
Yes-our dreams came true when they played a number of ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD, bands; The Killer's (were not worthy),Baby Shambles (cool, even though Pete Doherty is a knob head), The Jam, and The Simths, to name a few…....
At the end of the day (big bro 6, 7, or 8)......fate had it's way, and it was one of the BEST nights ever. Despite, an attack from an odd Italianiano non Stalieniano man, get to spec savers is all i can say. We can remember the tunes which is a minor miracle from the lord Jesus christ!!!!!!!
Lots of Love,
ex-K2 Rules-peace out,
The Lady's of Tile on the Hill. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
The last entry 'Diary of Progress' was meant to be an article of humour, but it has obviously backfired. The main issues related to our obsessions with cleaning, eating, and affection. Lauren is constantly pottering around the house with cleaning equipment, whereas Amy and Emma, on the other hand, happen to be a little less enthusiastic to the point where we let Lauren do all the work.We often stuff our faces like pigs, and it is not uncommon to discover the three of us around the kitchen table having a chat with Sainsbury's economy white chocolate close at hand. We could not survive in this world without the sweetness of chocolate! We also speak of the fact that we happen to be psychologically damaged and incapable of affection. 'Diary of progress' was simply a play on words and we our both very sorry that you have been offended. It was NOT our intention to upset you, and we hope you can accept our apology.
Amy and Lauren
9am: Lolly: i have finally started the loo cleaning. toilet brush is in hand. bleach is ready. god, the stress.
9.14am: Amy: well done you can clean faster then a concorde taking off on the run way.
11am: Lolly: i had a break for two hours to eat a custard cream. They looked so good so i smeared them all over my body. i shall persevere with cleaning now. Sigh.
11.44am: Amy: I just had a chocolate digestive, then came to check on the progress and you had only cleaned the seat.
2pm: Lolly: i know but i can't bear it, i need to make progress but i can't, i can't, it's too much…the shit of life! thanks for the encouragement amy, have u made progress?
2.14pm: Amy:I havent made progress it's going so slow like caprice on a fishing boat. I have fixed my hair straighteners, put my face on, for my pimp daddy coming round.
3pm: Lolly: oh well done, well done. im makin progress. r u still makin progress now, i need updates every two seconds
3.44pm: Amy: goodun, well done you have a gold star, my highest form of praise, plus a big mama hug, and lots of kisses, i'll get you some chocolate to pig on. You star of royal david city show the two other girlies how the cleaning works.
5pm: Lolly: 223 germs deleted. good god! It goes on and on.
7.38pm: Amy: another trillion million germs been killed Northern bint?
7.42pm: Lolly: i met a germ called johnny and the lyrics just came home to me – "ride johnny ride" on the loo brush, away…
11.55pm: Amy: Thats my girl you ride those dirty germs away, GOLD STAR, no hugs you might smell after a long hard day of cleaning.
1am: Lolly: oh yeah im used to riding those dirty sods, the dirty fuckers in my life…HUG HUG HUG MY BABY BOO BOO HOUSE-GIRLY HUG
1.56: Amy: GET CHOCOLATE OR YOUR DIE
2AM: Lolly: HUG
OI, WHOSE U? R U FROM AMERICAN PIE?
PS FECK OFF…..DRINK
Lolly: something to look forward to this week: wrapping up warm and going for a walk in my favourite park. The little details of every little thing there and just being in all my favourite spots, helps to relax me, restore my strength somewhat and clear my head (though the good few hours is hardly enough for that!)
This has been a helpful remedy this last term and I thoroughly recommend natures restorative powers: though it cannot remove the fundamental problems, it can illuminate the darkness for a short time and temporarily stop the tears…
Do you require women?
Who look like hobbits,
and live on a Hill,
Who take out the trash,
and do the cleaning,
Who analyse the world,
and provoke thought,
and like to do THIS in their spare time…................
Drop us a line- and leave your name and number and were be in touch. Thanks.
Please note our following requirements:
No boring farts
or closet gays (its just not convenient)
Another addition to The Crazy World of Hobbiton
Bins on Fire, rolling down the road, like a rolling stone…what if god was one of us?
Loo-brush and The Oxxxxxxxxx