October 09, 2008

A little something I'm working on…

Very much a work in progress. It's something I'm writing at the minute in an attempt to tap into this funny little character trait I have. I'm caricaturing it to explore that bit of my personality.. As always, comments appreciated. I'll try and add a bit more to it each week:

I arrange my fruit bowl. I shift the clementines, rotate the peaches and shuffle the plums into their place. There is never a banana, they rot the fruit around them; it’s out of my control. The fruit is round, plump, ready to be picked. It is my own little garden. A garden in a bowl. A garden which is always plentiful and giving in a time of need. If I arrange my fruit bowl just-so, my friends will like me. They’ll come into my kitchen and they’ll see it, sitting there, reassuring in its voluptuousness, radiating vitamins and shine. They’ll think, ‘Now that’s a nice fruit bowl’ and wonder why they don’t have one like it. I’ll know I am better than them, for now.

My shoes are too shiny. Against the shawn, dewy grass they are stark, and ill-fitting. I twist my ankle, turning up my heel. No, that hasn’t helped at all. I take a step, sinking my heel into the freshly-cut forest, wondering if I should step a little lighter so that little creatures won’t be crushed. Turning away from the white glare, I hope I haven’t startled any passer-bys. The cars drive on. Luckily, there hasn’t been an accident.

- 2 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Philip Gaydon

    Hey. So commenting…I love the opening, it really creates a quaint little set up that makes you smile as well as ponder the implications behind it, especially when its qualified by the banana statement. I don’t think that the “it’s out of my control” is needed or maybe it should go somewhere else because I think it extends the sentence a little too far as well as not perfectly making sense (at least for me). The same with “voluptuousness” it seems out of place next to the other smaller words and sentences, extending the sentence and jarring against the sort of rythm/beat. I do like the character’s sense of becoming lost in her own thoughts and the paranoia of her needing the fruit-bowl to impress her friends.

    09 Oct 2008, 22:39

  2. There’s a whole lot of euphemisms swimming round my head right now…You don’t like bananas because they rot the fruit around them and ‘it’s out of your control’? Interesting. Very sensuous descriptions at the beginning, very sexual, (sorry if wasn’t supposed to be!) especially this line: ‘Now that’s a nice fruit bowl’! Really like your style and the first few sentences work well to create a feeling of touch..words like ‘shuffle’ ‘plums’, ‘plump’, ‘picked’ add to the effect!

    22 Oct 2008, 00:50

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