All entries for July 2005
July 31, 2005
Having just completed my first year at university and admittedly not having actually studied much in my course I feel that I have learnt more about myself and life in general, although I'm sure that there's a lot more to learn.
But this is something that I learnt half-way through the first term.
Apparently there are certain qualities that make you a 'real' girl and these qualities are:
1) Liking chocolate
2) Liking cheese
3) Liking wine
4) Liking the O.C
5) Liking Bridget Jones Diary
6) Having the ability to tell horror stories about men in general but mainly exes
7) Being able to bitch just about anybody
Ok I feel that this list in detailing what makes a 'real' girl is completely and utterly wrong, for I am a girl and don't believe myself to be able to bitch about anyone and know that I do not fill the first 6.
But I became very upset in the first term, and its been something that's been bugging me all year, (not constantly but at times), I was told that I was not a real girl as I didn't like Bridget Jones, The O.C, or chocolate. The other points in the list were made by observing girls around me.
Thing is now I realise that I was stupid to even let it bother me, for I know that I'm a 'real' girl, whatever that is supposed to mean. I know that I'm a girl, and like a girl and most people I have feelings.
But how does what you watch or what you like to eat determine if you're a real girl or not, this is something that I have not been able to work out and personally believe to be stupid.
We are all completely different and like different things.
Personally if being a real girl means that I have some kind of inate hatred towards men in general and enjoy making people feel miserable about themselves by bitching about them, well I'd rather not be a 'real' girl. I'm just me, plain old alice, with her stupid notions.
I always try to be nice to people, however pathetic that may seem. I do not like being horrible. I say thankyou getting off the bus, I say please and thankyou and smile at random strangers for no apparent reason and I compliment people if I see something that I would like to compliment them on, I never lie when I compliment people.
Being honest I like it when you say something nice to someone and they look as if they really appreciate it, even if it is to someone you don't know. Like the drunken girls you get in the union toilets looking at themselves in the mirror and asking me "Do you think I'm ugly/fat/... ?" Not once have I met a girl asking me this that wasn't pretty or nice looking in some way and I think that it is always nice if you point out something good about them, even if it is something materialisitic like their clothes. By just saying something nice to someone it can make their day. I know because when people have said nice things to me it has made me feel wonderful and just made that day sing.
I am probably just being silly in saying all this, but I personally think it is very important to express these things even if it is weird, like when I go through my friend appreciation speech where I randomly say, ' I appreciate and value you as a friend', well perhaps not in those words but something to that effect. Unfortunately it often leaves the other person feeling very awkward, but at the time it was something that I felt had to be said.
But I'd rather tell someone because I have realised that things can happen quickly in life and you can leave behind, or be left behind without ever having shared how you felt even if it is something as silly telling someone that their new haircut suits them.
Perhaps in my desperation while waiting for the bread to finish baking I have taken to writing absolute and utter drivel on my blog. I guess it will be a chronicle of my holidays and when I read this I will recall how completely bored I was.
As I have been unable to find a job and am unable to do anything as I have no money and hate asking my parents I have pretty much been stuck at home, apart from the occassional times I have been able to convince my mum that I can go walking/bike riding alone.
But basically with all this free time that I am basically wasting, or cleaning depending on if my mum is at home or coming home soon. I have spent most of my time daydreaming about university and reflecting on the past year.
Now this makes me feel old. It seems as if I were an old lady reflecting on her youth, but in all seriousness I miss certain things about myself. I miss my naivity and innocence that I had at the beginning of the year.
Its strange that I should miss that, but looking back on it, it was really nice living in a kind of dream world where nothing really bothered me, or well being honest certain things didn't bother me.
I miss the idea that you can just go out and make friends, I'm sure that at the beginning of next year it will be like last year. But I miss being able to go out and talk to people from my course and actually start a conversation with them instead of getting weird looks.
I enjoy talking to people and making new acquaintances and that is the only reason why I am friendly, no other ulterior motive. But at the beginning of the year I never realised that other people thought I had an ulterior motive, ahh well, unfortunately I have learnt this now, and do not approach as many people as I would have donein the past.
However, I still do approach people and attempt to make conversation with people. I like to do this and I will continue doing so.
Having random conversations with people in supermarkets about sausages and the like, I really don't mind, because I think that by just being friendly to someone even if its just a silly thing, it might just make their day.
Ok so I guess that starting to make bread late at night is not the best idea. At the moment I am obviously still up waiting for the damn loaves to bake.
However the theory is that tomorrow morning I will be able to have some nice homemade bread although this is my first attempt at making bread in about 10 years and I am using the same recipe as I did then. So I just hope it turns out ok….
And baking really does heal the soul, I was in a foul mood earlier and I started to cook, first of all making lemon cheese/curd then making bread and since then I have been extremely hyperactive, so much so that I think that someone has put something in my food.
Oh well, who cares, I'm happy and rather merry and writing very very strange blogs, so please anyone out there, do not hold this against me. Although I'm sure that I will produce more weird and wonderful blogs tonight, just don't know about what…
July 30, 2005
Ok so its the holidays, its quite late and I'm sleepy, but also have just realised that half of the people that I know at uni I don't have their email addresses, so can't pester whenever I want to.
Oh dear this really wasn't a good idea writing this now, I'm not sure if I'm even making sense.
Anyway back to the point of this blog, if anyone out there is reading this and happens to know me (I have a picture on this blog, why oh why did I add it when drunk), please do add me to their email addresses or whatever, or even send me your email address.
This really does sound like a desperate plea, but basically I just want to be able to communicate with the people I have met this year and perhaps get to know them better.
Anyway here goes
What was the point of that title, jsut thought it was rather cool even though it is incredibly inaccurate for my current situation which is rather sleepless.
For some reason I can't sleep when I'm at home. I blame this on not going out and often use it as an excuse for going out at uni. Maybe if I use it as an excuse to study I might actually achieve something useful at university. Oh well, lots of good memories.
After 19 years of having trouble sleeping in my own home I think that I have finally established some of the reasons, or one in particular.
We don't shut our curtains so in the summer in particular I wake up as soon as its light. Not that I don't mind this, although this is rather cavemanish, without the going to bed as soon as its dark.
The other problem is while I'm at home I do absolutely no exercise as this is something that is not encouraged and I miss going to the gym which used to tire me out.
Anyone more interesting stuff has come up gonna chat wiht friends byeeee
July 29, 2005
As soon as I tell strangers from back home what I study they always give me a weird look and start to keep their distance. Why!?!?!
I mean it may not sound particularly intersting when I say, I study maths, but just because I study maths it doesn't make me a freak.
I am sick and tired of hearing people say, "Oh I could never do that" or "I gave it up after GCSE".
Or even worse when I say where I study and people recognise the university I get a simlar response. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what I study or where I study and nothing wrong with me for studying it.
Strange as this may seem I love what I study even if I'm not the most brilliant study and am incredibly lazy during term time.
For some reason in the holidays I enjoy reading over my notes when I am extremely tired (like now, that may explain this blog), and it is at these times when I get my maths appreciation feeling and think, 'Wow! Maths is truly beautiful'.
Perhaps I should really stop writing blogs when I am tired and sound all drunk.
But for anyone out there. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH STUDYING MATHS.
July 14, 2005
So today I realised that I have the potential of becoming just like all those nagging mothers in the world. My worst nightmare come true!!!!
This horrible realisation came to me when my dad took a detour when returning home. Ok, so its not a big deal, but it is when you've made dinner and it is now getting cold, and it is even worse when he knows that you've made dinner.
I was furious because as I'm the only person in the house who doesn't have a job or school to go to I am left in charge (ie have to) of the cooking and cleaning of the house.
Personally I'd much rather have a job, at least then I might get some appreciation and definately money for my work.
The annoying thing is that I have been looking for a job. I've been looking everywhere.
I've been turned down from reading electric meters, ASDA, there are no waitressing jobs available (the fact that I have considered this really does mean I'm desperate as I hate waitressing).
My older sister who is working in London advised me to look in the jobs section of the newspaper she gets everyday as she goes to work. I did this and lo and behold I found the perfect job for me, well sounded perfect.
No experience necessary, ideal for a student, lots of money for right applicant.
But just before I applied (a process done by calling up) I decided to look up the adress of the nightclub, for yes this post was to work as a female hostess.
I am so glad I looked it up, otherwise it could have been very embarassing.
It turns out that the Blue Angel club is in actual fact a lapdancing club.
Now my mum would certainly object to that, although the money would be nice…......
So here I am, still in the house, overdrawn and looking for a job. Maybe there's still that opening for clinical trials…..