July 31, 2005

Changes after the first year, more drivel

Perhaps in my desperation while waiting for the bread to finish baking I have taken to writing absolute and utter drivel on my blog. I guess it will be a chronicle of my holidays and when I read this I will recall how completely bored I was.

As I have been unable to find a job and am unable to do anything as I have no money and hate asking my parents I have pretty much been stuck at home, apart from the occassional times I have been able to convince my mum that I can go walking/bike riding alone.

But basically with all this free time that I am basically wasting, or cleaning depending on if my mum is at home or coming home soon. I have spent most of my time daydreaming about university and reflecting on the past year.

Now this makes me feel old. It seems as if I were an old lady reflecting on her youth, but in all seriousness I miss certain things about myself. I miss my naivity and innocence that I had at the beginning of the year.
Its strange that I should miss that, but looking back on it, it was really nice living in a kind of dream world where nothing really bothered me, or well being honest certain things didn't bother me.
I miss the idea that you can just go out and make friends, I'm sure that at the beginning of next year it will be like last year. But I miss being able to go out and talk to people from my course and actually start a conversation with them instead of getting weird looks.

I enjoy talking to people and making new acquaintances and that is the only reason why I am friendly, no other ulterior motive. But at the beginning of the year I never realised that other people thought I had an ulterior motive, ahh well, unfortunately I have learnt this now, and do not approach as many people as I would have donein the past.

However, I still do approach people and attempt to make conversation with people. I like to do this and I will continue doing so.
Having random conversations with people in supermarkets about sausages and the like, I really don't mind, because I think that by just being friendly to someone even if its just a silly thing, it might just make their day.

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