The mornings are the worst.
Waking up way before my alarm, realising it's not all a bad dream, feeling sick at the thought, trying to fall asleep again. Waking up again. And again. And finally crawling out of bed too early and into the shower.
As the day goes on, I find that my mind eventually gets engrossed in the tasks of work, and I start to feel better. These last couple of days, I've also had things to engross my evenings too, and so the days are easier. The first weekend that I spend truly alone (25-26 September) is going to be hard, but I don't know if it will be harder or easier than the last weekend I spent sort of alone. I also don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, which could make it harder still.
Last night I depped for the Cambridge Philharmonic, an orchestra I'm hoping to join following my audition next week. It was a good rehearsal; the orchestra are of a high standard although none of them are professional, and the focus is more on musical detail than was the case with the UWSO (no disrespect meant to the UWSO there - they're a fantastic orchestra!). The social side seems to be lacking from what I can tell, with the mid-rehearsal coffee break being the extent of this as far as I can see so far, but given that I was only depping, and for a rehearsal at that, it's unlikely that I would have got much more of an impression of this.
I also went for a run this evening. I managed 30 minutes of almost continuous exercise (I needed a break after about 15 mins as my asthma was starting to kick in), and it felt good, in a really knackering way. I might even do it again... And afterwards I spent an hour or so at the pub with a colleague, which was nice, and of course good to get out of the flat.
And for the first time in quite a few days, I might actually fall asleep with relative ease.