All entries for Monday 06 June 2005
June 06, 2005
1. Smoke as if it was your last day on earth
2. Own an alphanumeric pager with a built-in answering machine
3. Own a cellular phone, talk on it ALL the time
4. Dress as though you’re headed for a club when you’re actually going to class
5. Speak Greek all the time
6. Have only Greek friends
7. Learn to say the Greek alphabet really fast to impress the natives
8. Wear those tight black pants and tons of make-up (If you are a girl) or, be sure to have a pony tail (If you are a guy)
9. Travel in groups of 10 or more to parties
11. Go to Greek Orthodox summer camps (Ionian Village, Ascension, St. Sophia, BDC, CYC.. etc.)
12. Go to all Greek college parties
13. Refuse to dance to anything but Euro club or Greek folk music
14. Dance in circles at all parties and clubs
15. If you are a guy, use a lot of gel and mouse in your hair, or if you are a girl, be sure to run your fingers though your hair each time you spot a hot guy
16. Dress as though you’re headed for a club when you’re actually going to church
17. Wear only designer labels and make sure they are extremely visible
18. If your a guy, walk 10 feet in front of your date at all times
19. Own a bouzouki if you can, even if you know nothing about them and bring it to parties
20. Wear a leather jacket at all times, even in the summer
21. Tell American acquaintances that money is never an object even if all you have is $10
22. Guys and girls wear those big black boots (Aldo specials)
23. Make sure your parents are illiterate with a heavy accent, but crafty
24. Believe in DKNY, Versace, Moshino, and Armani
25. Make sure your parents and relatives own a pizza place or a diner or some other cash business and DO NOT pay enough taxes
26. Guys, get a hair cut once a week (if you are not of the pony tail variety)
27. Make sure you install every possible option in your car (the ashtray and the Vandi tape is a must)
28. Own a sports car (even if it’s a piece of skata)
29. Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates
30. Go to every GOYA dance possible
31. If you are a girl make sure your hair is covered with highlights of brown or blonde
32. Buy a komboloi and play with it like you know how to
33. Girls and guys, wear as much silver or gold as possible
34. Tell everyone you were born in Greece
35. Know all the names of Greek foods
36. Tell everyone stories of your amazing summer in Greece (even if you’ve never been there)
37. Have lots of Greek pride
38. Celebrate your name day like your birthday, confuse the natives
39. Girls hold other Greek girl’s hands in public as a symbol of friendship
40. Put Greek stickers all over your belongings (car, room…)
41. If someone asks you your race proudly say “Greek”
42. Girls go out with Greek guys much older than you
43. Have huge parties
44. There is no drinking age in Greece, pretend as though you’re there
45. Always give kisses on both sides of cheeks (mind the excessive make-up)
46. Follow your horoscope
47. Believe in all Greek superstitions not observed anymore even in the smallest Greek village
48. Whatever you do… don’t drive like a Greek from Greece (here the police takes notice)
49. Make friends wherever you go
50. Play soccer, watch soccer, pick a Greek soccer team
51. Listen to Greek music
52. Teach non-Greeks swears in Greek, then make fun of their accent
53. Go to church as much as possible
54. Be familiar with all new Greek slang
55. Do every thing “Greek Style”-as if you were perfect
56. Guys carry a wallet everywhere
57. Show off Greek money as if 100 drachmas was 100 dollars
58. Drink Greek coffee in the winter and frappe in the summer
59. Read Greek magazines
60. Go to all Greek events
61. Know about your religion
62. Know all the names of your family in Greece
63. Consider yourself as a Greek God or Goddess
64. Girls, go out with more than one guy at a time
65. Be the life of the party
66. Ouzo is your friend (so drink it)
67. Party until the morning, then go out for breakfast
68. Go to Greek cafes
69. Keep a lot of pictures of friends at all times
70. Have at least one favorite number and color at all times
71. Learn Greek pig-latin and speak it with your friends
72. Girls, carry a pocketbook everywhere.
73. Memorize the words of your favorite Greek song
74. Have at least 3 nick-names
75. Plan a trip to at least one Greek island
76. Hang a huge Greek flag in your room
77. Know at least one Greek singer (e.g. Vandi, Dallarras, etc.)
78. Start a Greek club at your school
79. Travel to places where there’s a lot of Greeks
80. When ever in presence of other unknown Greeks, pretend you can’t speak Greek to hear everything they say about you in Greek
81. Always talk about that special someone in Greece (even if they don’t exist)
82. Never be ashamed of your given birth name (even if named after a tree, e.g. Lemonia!)
83. Always keep your last name (don’t shorten it, even if named Papadimitroharalampopoulos)
84. Don’t be ashamed to be full of yourself
85. Refer to all elders and friends’ parents as aunts and uncles (theo and thea)
86. Know how to Greek dance, take classes, teach classes
87. Have a lot of perfume or cologne on at all times
88. Waste all your money on stuff, you can never have enough of anything
89. Know at least 20 girls each named Maria, Eleni, Irene or Sophia
90. Know at least 20 guys each named George, Nick, Gianni or Kosta
92. Go out for coffee with your friends
93. Smoke the heaviest cigarettes available
94. Wear the same outfit 2 to 4 times in a row
95. Take a nap in the afternoon
96. Don’t always be in a rush, arrive late to parties and learn to chill (run on Greek time)
97. You only live once, so live the best as possible
98. Don’t wear shorts or sandals in the summer (those are reserved for the natives)
99. Always show off your naturally tanned skin
100. Don’t be offended if someone calls you an immigrant (take it as a compliment)
101. Fall in love with Greece, Greek culture, and everything Greek
By Ellada M.
Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud"
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking
"funny" for a while after reading this.
This has been nominated for best email
The following is a telephone exchange between a
hotel guest and room-service
at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published
in the Far East Economic Review…..
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-serviceRS: "Rye..Ruin
sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry,
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem…crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know
what 'judo one toes
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow
singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying
'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an
English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
G: "I mean butter…just put it on the side."
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and
G: "Whatever you say"
G : "You're welcome
Vacationing In Greece!!!
-xekola! = Unstick!
-Pos apo 'do proi proi? = How from here morning, morning?
-Ton kako sou to kairo = Your bad weather
-Tis theias sou o kolos = Your aunt's ass
-tha se gelaso = I will laugh U
-Kati trexei sta guftika = something is running in the gypsies
-Gamaei kai dernei = fucks & beats
-Ta pira sto kranio = I took them on the cranium
-Pira anapodes strofes = I took upside down turns
-Mou vgike H pisti anapoda = my faith came out upside down
-Ti Blepo ti douleia = I see the job
-Rixe mia matia = throw a look
-De' Leei = It doesn't say
-Mes'ti kali xara = In the good happiness
-Apo thn poli erxomai kai sth korfi kanella = From the city I come and at the top cinnamon!
-O ti thumasai xeresai = whatever U remember ur happy
-Alla xezwoalla moirizeis! = other I shit, other U smell!
-Kai gamo! = And fuck!
-Sikwthikan ta podia kai xtupane to kefali = the legs have risen and are hitting the head.
-kounia pou se kouniage = swing that swings you
-kane kolontoumbes = do summersaults
-i katisaika masa tarama = the goat chews tarama
– sto xorio mou gaidaros petai = im ny village donkeys fly
BY THE GREEKS
A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary
position. Then you promise to marry her but will probably abandon the idea.
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive
Second Date: You meet her parents and her mom makes
spaghetti & meatballs
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3carat ring
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend
First Date: You get a dynamite blowjob.
Second Date: You get another great blowjob.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
First date: You get to touch those big breasts of hers.
Second date: You get to home base with her.
Third date: You have to promise her that you are gonna get circumcised.
Then you will marry her and find out that you have to support her whole
family. The only consolation is that you get to repeat the procedure three
other times as allowed under Muslim law.
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happened.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already
realized nothing is going to happen.
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex
First Date: You find out she's a chain smoker and heavy drinker, despite the
fact she's underage
Second date: You get her piss drunk and have sex
Third date: You find out she was a virgin and her dad and 30 uncles are
all out searching for you with a shot gun and a priest ready to perform the