All entries for Sunday 20 August 2006

August 20, 2006

Terrorists are the new communism

So, my update–once–a–week plan lasted 3 weeks, followed by 6 weeks of not doing so. In that time, I have done little. Certainly, there is no reason I could not have worked through my "stupid crap to eventually write about" list (currently containing 6 items).

What went wrong?

For starters, I picked myself to implement this update plan. A rookie mistake, really – don't rely on anyone who couldn't motivate his way out of a paper bag.

Additionally, I have just enough distractions to get me through any given day without having to do anything important or even interesting.

And thirdly, everything I have to write about is either uninteresting or outdated (or probably both).

What to do now?

Plan A: Stop writing anything. The uninteresting stuff remains uninteresting and the outdated stuff becomes outdated to the point of uninterestingness. This solves everything, but I remain incapable of remembering anything from further in the past than a couple of months. My memories of university become a mushy green goo smelling vaguely of peanuts.

Plan B: Train myself to update every day by whipping myself for every day that is missed. Problem: I don't think I'm physically capable of whipping myself without dislocating my shoulder. I'd have to build some kind of robot whipping machine, and I'd just end up delaying that as well.

Plan C: Write some kind of wacky Perl script that would update for me. Geekiness levels would rise and relevance levels would fall, but other than that, a good enough script could be indistinguishable from the real me. Problem: I'd have to tread a thin line between making something that sounds like me and making something that becomes sentient and tries to kill me.

Plan D: Continue trying and failing to update regularly with interesting and amusing posts about my life. Only update sporadically, when the peanut smell gets too strong.

New blog location

After a hiatus of several years, I’ve started blogging again at

My website

Looking for more information about Alan Hazelden? Follow me on Twitter or go to my website.

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