February 21, 2006

The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World Modern Day Leamington Spa

Having spent nearly 5 terms in and around the Spa, it seems now would be a good time to point out the highlights for future generations. These are not necessarily as spectacular as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Nor are they quite so substantial as the Pyramids. However, they have fascinated me in small, superficial and ultimately pointless ways. So without further ado, here are the Seven Wonders of Leamington Spa:

  • The ever flushing urinals of Robins Well Trust me, they never stop. I can't comment on whether women will ever experience a toilet in a constant state of self cleaning, as I am not privy to the, presumably, pristine state of the women's facilities.

  • The waterless "facilities" of Sugar Urban legend tells us that they turn off the water to force you to buy bottled water once you've had too much vodbull. One things for sure – unflushable toilets create a stench. And washing your hands with redbull isn't the same.

  • The 8pm Oriental Star rush If you fancy dining at the Star, do not go at 8pm. However, by 9pm the whole place is empty. I'm unsure as to whether this says more about the Star, or about the dining habits of Leamington.

  • Suicidal Pedestrians Apparently, those strange Government ads about road safety never aired in Leamington. Combined with the fact that those from Leamington Spa do not fear death (ask around, its true), Leamington locals will not think twice (nor, for that matter, will they look twice) about stepping out into the road, no matter what vehicle is heading for them, and no matter what speed it is travelling.

  • The dubious legal nature of some of the Sun in Splendour's services Again, urban legend has it that the Sun in Splendour, on Tachbrook Road, doubles as a whore house. When the goat is outside, the hoes are in session. I stress urban legend – don't come complaining to me if it turns out to be a lie (and in fact, shame on you for trying).

  • Flames The lesser known cousin of Vialli's – Its on Radford Road and its seven-hundred and thirteen times better. Only ever seen to have closed once, the lovely chappies will cook for you any time of day or night, and even furnish you with the local rag to amuse yourself for five minutes. A must on the way home from any given night out. Even if it was a night out to a curry house or some such meal.

  • The sign on the bridge on Willes Road Granted, this may not be important to many. But if you plan on taking a quick route back to Radford Road from Sugar (and really you should, a red bull jacket fails compared to a beer jacket), you ought to be crossing this bridge. And what better way to commemorate your journey than to read this dedication to yourself. Or to others, should you be so inclined. Now, I have no idea what it says, primarily because I cannot remember the journey home on many occasions. However, it must always be read.

So there you have it. Suck on that, world. The Spa has got you by the nads.


- 10 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. what about the impact of viallis? on any given journey by foot around leamington, you are guaranteed to see kebab salad on the path closely followed by a beige kebab carton.

    most people in leamington have heard the sun in splendour rumour and yet nobody has ever investigated. however, i have fed the goat outside there to use an unfortunate phrase. it likes galaxy minstrels.

    sugar toilets: hell on earth. i don't think they've ever been cleaned. thank god i've never been in there sober. what i do know however, is that if you aim at the targets on the mens urinal, you cover your hands in piss and do actually have to wash them in vodbull. never noticed the willes road bridge sign though. will look out for that tonight…...

    21 Feb 2006, 12:10

  2. Ah, Vialli's, I'd forgotten that. But sadly Flames beats it hands down for me! So flames in, railings out. Though the discarded, half eaten something is indeed seen just about everywhere in South Leam.

    And I can't believe I missed out the targets. Such a mistake to offer a challenge to drunks.

    21 Feb 2006, 13:14

  3. John H

    You've got to be nuts to buy kebab from Viallis. Tarsus / Tarkos all the way. Their pavement signature always used to be the lemon quarters discarded outside…

    Viallis does a lovely pizza though.

    21 Feb 2006, 13:52

  4. Hmmm. Have to agree on the Sugar thing, tho last week I managed to get copious amounts of tap water, it was practically on tap. (Get it!) It's way better than soda water or whatever else they give you for free normally.
    Also, have to agree with the Oriental Star. One thing though – on Valentine's Day, it was fully booked. How cheap are these Leam locals/students that they frequent the OS on such a day?!?

    21 Feb 2006, 16:49

  5. i agree completely with the opinion on flames. better food, better offers, cheaper than viallis. i've never seen it shut in 2 years either. only problem is that its out of my way whereas i usually turn off opposite the parish church to go down radford so get a viallis at the halfway point home.

    21 Feb 2006, 17:37

  6. Nick Roe

    I suppose you will never get to find out about the whores in the Sun in Splendour because it shut down last friday. The end of a legend.

    06 Apr 2006, 19:30

  7. Christian Cecchi

    Tarsus still going!!?? I was living in Leam. in 1995 and it's charcoally goodness kept our house alive back in those days, good to see some things don't change…

    08 Aug 2006, 14:57

  8. Mark C

    Tarsus wasn't as good as the other kebab place with an unpronounceable Greek name about 100 yards along the same road. Grr it's really bothering me what it was called. SAKARYA, that's right! It'a a weird and wonderful feeling when your brain sparks into life over something you haven't even considered for over a decade.

    Also, didn't you live in Earlsdon, Cecchi?

    LOWER LEAM 94–95 REPRAZENT

    22 Aug 2006, 16:22

  9. Christian Cecchi

    Tachbrook Road 94–95 (round the corner from you, you dildo…) Earlsdon was 95–96.
    Christ, we are communicating via a website now, is that how far apart we've grown?
    Sakarya didn't have a charoal grill, that was the deal–breaker for me…

    30 Aug 2006, 15:24

  10. Sportivo

    I too can only communicate via the e-web. I remember finding an iPhone in Mark Tenn’s room in Rootes, luckily I was able to upgrade it for him to Windows 3.11.

    What joy we had. And football was the winner.

    31 Jan 2007, 19:31


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  • I too can only communicate via the e–web. I remember finding an iPhone in Mark Tenn's room in Rootes… by Sportivo on this entry
  • Tachbrook Road 94–95 (round the corner from you, you dildo…) Earlsdon was 95–96. Christ, we are co… by Christian Cecchi on this entry
  • Tarsus wasn't as good as the other kebab place with an unpronounceable Greek name about 100 yards al… by Mark C on this entry
  • Tarsus still going!!?? I was living in Leam. in 1995 and it's charcoally goodness kept our house ali… by Christian Cecchi on this entry
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