All 20 entries tagged Zp I Meaning Of Life

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April 17, 2006

A delayed response

L: The world is sad, even the closest people don't get to know each other.
Me: (the immediate response) of course some people know each other. How about your parents?
L: Of course they love each other, but there is no way they can know each other.
Me: …

(My parents lived together for 25 years, and within that marriage, there were a lot of lies – well intended or just lies by nature, there were suspicions, and there were cheating. I found no way that I could construct a respond to that argument.)

But I looked at it again, and now I have an answer ready:

It is the desire wanting to know 'the others' drives you away from knowing anyone. It is the desire to create an identity that drives the others from knowing you. In the core, everybody is more or less the same: there is a thirst for striving for survival,there are fears of the unknowns – like darkness and death, and maybe a few other basic elements; all the others are constructed and changable hence they are unimportant. So that if you want to know others, you need to deconstruct yourself first, reduce the ego to the basic components, and then you can tell: your depression is others depression, so are your ambitions and happiness. So rather, there is a need to live simple than to live curiously about the so-called the others. You yourself is the others.

———
The girls were talking about marriage again last time after Easter feast. It's still something unimaginable for me and the majority on present. But my parents start to talk about it to me. Some marriages are to possess another person, and the others is helping one to enrich the living experiences. Before one more or less know what him/herself is about, it is very difficult to contribute to a relationship so it's gonna be like a battle over properties – that's my problem, but my parents dont see it this way.

——-
Talking about the Double Life of Veronique

When Veronique finds another Veronique, it's not a miracle or coinstance, it's neccesity. That's why the film is so delicate. It raised a puzzle but the puzzle is answering itself…

lol


March 17, 2006

Utopia

Writing about web page http://pengzou.blogspot.com/2006/03/john.html

Utopia is where everybody could kiss everybody else no matter how they look, smell, speak. We are so far from it.

(The grrly thingies is renamed as Male Phobia, and it's updated)


March 14, 2006

The Writers' Ethics

The two loneliest occupations in the world: the light keeper and the writer. (Said by some writer I read, can't remember who now :P)

Loneliness is indeed the very ethic every writer should get hold of at least sometime in their life. And such loneliness is only speakable to their readers, as honeyed words are only applicable for the be-loved. Only in such intimate way (not necessarily positive and sweet) the work of literature would present some value.

One thing I noticed today about being alone (hence aroused some sense of loneliness) is that it provides more opportunities to not only observing more people but also getting closers to them.

All my friends happened to be quite lazy today. 12 o'clock at noon, all their response to my text calling for an efficient working day is 'I'm still in bed'! As if they are all enchanted princesses. So that I was left alone in the crowd for the whole morning and afternoon.

There isn't much scent of loneliness in the library – everyone is accompanied with a book, including me. Wisdom or crap, it is comforting to have someone iterating in the tubes in your brain. But when I took a break and threw myself in the cafe downstairs to get my stomach stuffed – in that noise and the aura of companions – my state of being alone is accentuated, and there the loneliness attacked. Well, even the strong taste of garlic in my hummus sandwich didn't mitigate much. Sandwiches are dead when they are being eaten!

So when this Thai women spoke to me, I was eagerly ready to be a warm hearted 'local'. During our conversation, I found out that she was here to investigate the schools for her children's future. Her son studies in a high school in Luton. Today he has some classes, so she is free to take herself around visiting London. She is a business woman, aged 50, looked 35. Her slight curvy hair looks very sexy while she spoke in her broke English about her shoe business around the world – her next stop was Milan. In her blue print, her son's gonna do economics in the LSE and her daughter to go to a 'safer' environment either in Beijing or Shanghai. They gonna help her to expand her shoe empire.

A person's life can be well reduced to a casual lunch chat. She looks a very determined person, I am quite sure all her objectives will be more or less achieved. Love and kindness to her, when she exited that heavy glass door, I had these words ready in my mind somehow. :P

This encounter interestingly reminded me of a French novel I read not long ago titled 'Platform. All the figures of Thai women in that novel were reduced as sex parlours. Of course that novel was primarily concerning about sex tourism and what prepares the mindsets of these western men going to Thailand for it. It is quite well-written – and maybe that is the problem. There fictions, although very sufficient in its own concerned topic, can be too persuasive sometimes, that in the end of the reading, I kinda forgot about all these highly educated Thai friends I have that are extremely different from what were depicted in the book, and I started to draw a picture of a unbalanced hedonistic heaven of the Orient in my imagination of Thailand. Only till meeting this women today had that picture been supplied with another part of the reality.

I heard that one existentialist writer (can't remember who tho) once asserted that one does not need to travel, it is pretty sufficient to just read the exotic travel writings and let loose of the harness on imagination. Otherwise getting inhabituated in the once exotic context would only destroy exoticness per se. Drawing from my own experience in being in England for two different purposes: once for travel and once to study, I do agree to such assertion to certain extent. England becomes quite mundane after a good two years. One thing I want to add on top of such assertion is that if other people travel around and bring about stories (the ethno flow), it makes more or less the same impact of books. For example, this Thai women travels around to make herself ready to meet the slightly more settled me and an enriched imagination of Thailand is emerging in the mind. That would be similar to reading travel logs about travelling in Thailand.

The only question left to the individual is that whether you want to be a fantasy producer or consumer. If the latter one, of course physically travelling is redundant. But for a writer – such occupation is suitable for any willing individuals – the premise is the willing to produce. Thus the ethic for writers, besides enduring loneliness, is also enduring the mundaneness during the inhabituation when going away after the first few moments of fresh experiences.

—————————————
Obviously, I am desperately longing for being a writer!


March 13, 2006

Happiness

Just now, a feeling of happiness aroused while I was peeling my peanuts and putting them in my mouth. The room was warm, the lamps orangely lighted my eyesight, some peaceful happiness was in that aura. And I know what exactly it is:

It is being aware that I don't need to go out in the chilling March wind to scratch up the peanuts – all I needed to do was place my forefinger and thumb on both side of the curves, put on a little strength and these baby peanuts are mine.

It is also being aware that I was not hungry. The act of eating was purely seeking for pleasure. Being able to form imporable acts is happiness.

So I infer, happiness is actually all around, also find when:

  • Having sex without worrying about reproduction
  • Traveling without thinking of settling down to build a house
  • Reading without targetting at composing an essay
  • and the appreciation of all sorts of useless art
  • etc. etc.

These seemingly petty things are the very source of compensations that keep us balanced from the inevitable boredom of life. But sometimes we are very likely to take them for granted and forget about how pleasing they are, for example, how often do we realize the happiness of eating some peanuts? So to get happiness more constant happiness is not to get inhabbitualised into those daily happy routines. A sense of control is important, too. You know what happens when you eat an overwhelmly amount of peanuts.

So, hope everybody in the world would have the chance to indulge themselves in a tiny amount of peanuts sometime!


February 03, 2006

Love and Lust

To start with, there is a quote from Georges Simenon

Passion is a malady. It is possession, something dark. You are jealous of everything. There is no lightness, no harmony. Love, that's completely different. It is beautiful. Love is being two in one. It is being so close that when one opens his mouth to speak, the other says exactly what you want to say. Love is a quiet understanding and a fusion.

I agree and disagree. The vision of love he describes, is the ideal of love. When someone could say something exactly what I want to say, or even more than that, better than what I can say, I would feel instantly madly in love, that's true. But that's more likely to happen between close friends than lovers, so that I call that love 'friendly love', it's sexless. (It can even be described with Confucious saying: 君子之交,淡如水。- the relationship between wise people is light as water.)Romantic love, on the other hand, comes with sexual passions, in my opinion, inevitably. Nevertheless I believe there is a bridge which you can build up to shift from the initiality of sexual passion to the idealistic vision of love. And the key word must be comitment. The closeness of sexual encounters is sometimes said to be mere pleasure, but I believe there's more than that – you carry it with other memories of you and your partner, and it is that whole makes you love.

(I'm hungry… I will come back to this topic later)

Now that I'm back, having some more opinions in my mind

– about sex without wiling to make comitment: it is not love, but it is possible that strong desire to reserve the moments of pleasure may push people to make comitment in consequence. What so terrifying is actually the lightness people bear in their attitudes towars these sort of encounters: the sex anarchy.

– I think it's scary to draw a line between sex and love as if they are distinctive sentiments. As we discussed in the lecture yesterday, the notion of love hadn't gotten well spreaded till the 18th century in Europe. Before that, there was sex, which was a taboo topic in the medevil time; and there was marriage, which was being institutionalised for survival. Love is a modern notion. I guess, therefore, what we call love today, might have been deprived from the intoxication of the aftermath of sexual desire and sexual behaviour. To distinguish the two, is to stigmatise sex, and mislead the understanding of love.

– That's probably one reason to cause the situation of sex anarchy. Because love is pure and untouchable, people discard it in their mind when they have sex, aiming only gaining physical pleasures, leaving themselves emptiness and melancholy afterwards, whereas all they desire for, might be just to be tied up with somebody, mentally, and physically.

– So it is neccessary to avoid sex anarchy. Learn to control the body, is saving it for better communication and better fun.

– Love is not light, and sex is not heavy.


January 20, 2006

Quoting about Happiness

I read this in the begining of the week and thought I should put it up here to share with people. This is a book called To Have or to Be by Erich Fromm

It mainly discussed, as I understand, how things go wrong in a capitalist system (based on the dominant philosophies) in a social psychological perspective.

Fromm suggests that the failure of free the human being of the system we are in now is due to two basic psychological premises:

(1)that the aim of life is happiness, that is, maximum pleasure, defined as the satisfaction of any desire or subjective need a person may feel (radical hedonism)
(2) that egotism, selfishness, and greed, as the system needs to generate tem in order to function, lead to harmony and peace

There has been a sequence of western philosophies to support such premises dating back to thousands years ago. Nonetheless, he noticed that there was one exception of Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus amongst the hedonists

Epicurus:

pure pleasure meant 'absense of pain' (aponia) and stillness of the soul (ataraxia) … pleasure as satisfaction of a desire cannot be the aim of life, because such pleasure is necessarily followed by unpleasure and thus keeps humanity away from its real goal of absense of pain.

I think apart from the terminologies applied, the quotation is much like what I read about Buddhism previously (refrain from suffering – pain etc.). It leads me to think of two things:

1. Is there a universal culture that if we seek back to the history, people were actually thinking of and pursuing the same things, it is just the development of history that segmenting the cultures, and there maybe a force now to push them back together again? (does it sound naive? I do have came across the notion of universal culture somewhere else before)

2. Or, could it be that the western readings of eastern philosophies are totally based on the interpretation of existing western philosophies? (orientalism?)

:D

Social psychology of economic life is fun!


January 08, 2006

Post–feminist culture under destruction

Post-feminist culture align us the obligation of love, it is thus to be crucified. What we want to do, we do not yet know. But it ain't lovers and the state you and I flow.

——————————————-
Something less relevant:

伴侣是经受了时间的筛选一直留在我们身边的人, 他可以与时间一起安静地陪我们往前走, 让我们心头上曾经留下的伤一点点的愈合, 让我们的每一天都可以充满信心充满期待. from ChelC

Partners are filtered by time. They stay with us when we are pacing, as quiet as the time. They see us through pains and helped us to recover. Everyday they make us confident to expect life yet to come.
—————————————————————————-

I think she's right. So those who sees time goes by and one person remains with you, do consider grap your limited chances pls. Otherwise, you see, it will grow into to those more common cases that time is like a broken pipe, all the encounters come and leak away, and in the end of the day, you find the word partner is just another trick. All the forces to cause pain, develop recoverment, and fertilise confidence are actually with, and only with yourself.

Time is another idiot.


January 05, 2006

写情书

写情书若不是发自肺腑,便不可能持久。往往是,想得到的感情一旦拥有,情书就自然退出。但情书也可以持久。一个人的经历,可以变得如此琐碎的多,自然是要累积肺腑之言。把肺腑之言跟一个人倾诉,就成了很好的情书。并不一定要谈情说爱,只是感受对方的存在,就已经足够美好。

我在这里写中文,看不懂的,自然不会知道我说什么。看得懂的,就是那些我觉得看懂了也好的人。

一大清早的,也不知道自己在说什么。只是收到了一封邮件觉得有些细微的上蹿下跳,却又不想过度沉浸在其中忘记了要写论文的事情,所以写在这里,叨一点出来,就放轻松一点了。

我们都不明白爱,但我知道,爱的形式因人因对象而异,我好象爱过好多,强烈程度从未低于中强水平,但只要我还有能力继续爱,我就对这种爱有失落感。因为这不过是其中的一种。这些爱,都是我心上的刺青,偶尔褪色,却从不消失。所以我要说爱,我要写我爱的人,我要让他们轻如写在纸上的印记,因此便不会再把爱和占有混淆。

但是相信我,每一份爱都是独特的。对你的那一份,更加是。


November 24, 2005

On the train (Be careful, stream of consciousness) ;)

Back in the 90s, there was this big group of Metropolitan (if this word did exist then) Chinese people at their 20s touched by the Beat Generation literature, idolised Jack Kerouac and his hedonistic dream of On the Road. They talked about moving their arses in internet chat rooms with the rise of this technology monster. Internet friends got met up in different cities in a very similar fashion that the Red Guards conferencing up and down within the map of China for the sake of revolution. They are just different ideologies. Red Guards and hippies, young and travelling, all for good reasons they took beliefs in.

The millennium passed, for more than half a decade now. The 90s' gone, consumerism left and refined. Beautiful masquerade. The youngsters becomes mid-youths, their arses rooted in office benches – more and more difficult to get them moved. Life is more about how to enjoy life with things they can buy for themselves. Not until the water polluted, the rumours of earthquake outbroke, will the social elites arsed to move. Their dream of en route eliminated. Sense of community and routines retained where they are from or where they earlier moved to.

But forget about these old mid-youths. We 80s babies are the dominate power today. We keep the consuming and develop the depoliticisation. Hedonism or anarchy are ridiculous extremists. We take belief in sites of big brands, super girls, western materials, fame, and experiences that money can afford.

My parents spent their lives establishing their careers. Coming to the age of 50, they are still quite lost about what they spent half of their lifetime on. There is maybe one thing that they are sure, or the traditional teachings make them to be sure of, that is to raise the only kid, spend as much money as they can afford on her(that is, me). That's maybe why I am lucky enough to be here - a country without acid rains(although people complain about rains), typhoons(in the winter there is a stream of strong wind that sneaks in from the bedroom window and make the sound as if some ghosts are entering the room), floods(yeh, in 2002 there was a minor flood in Europe with a tiny death toll, and that was rare), earthquakes(I wonder why there is such a word in English vocabulary), dictatorships(sure, people talk about democracy all the time here), human right abuses(because only Asian and Latin American, or maybe Mid-eastern police would torture the prisoners), poverty(homeless in London street? They can complain to the police about the weather), infant soups(!), hassles in travelling around(stop moaning about British Railway, at least you have such a small territory, you don't experience 16 hours DOMESTIC train journey as a normal duration).

So I'm in a pink country, and I'm in pink top-down. New pink coat, new pink phone, even my underwear unifies with them in pink.

A pink babe from the pink class of the pink generation travels on train, British Railway, virgin trains. Every time on board is a virgin experience. Since I came to inhabit in London, my times of riding the virgins(this is a Lulu phrase) increased. Well, when I was in Warwick, most of my virgin journeys involved London anyway. London and virgins, jack the ripper and tourists. Give it a random thought, we come to realize how rich the cultural heritage is in this country.

The only two times I can think about trains without London is 1. Notthingham, 2. Norwich. But none of them involved the virgin. Both quite winding. 1. 'Get a train to Leamington Spa, , get off and change to a train that terminates in Edinborough, look out for me when it stops at Leicester, and you don't have to worry about it afterwards. I will take you safely to Nottingham'. 2. 'Yes, it's fifty pound return to Norwich.' 'But it's so close.' 'It takes you 5 hours to get there from Coventry, love.' 'Remember, on your way out change the train in Nuneaton, and on your way back change the train in Ely.' But Norwich was so cool, my first time sleeping the the sleeping bag. Like a silkworm, make a warm bed to bind myself, to break it, get out and I die. Yeh, I changed the train in Ely, Nuneaton has nothing compare to Ely. Ely station is cosy and neat. Nuneaton situates close to Coventry. I have a lot of experiences, travelling alone, on train, 16 hours, 5 hours, or 2 hours.

Don't tell me you love the train. The flicking images outside the window only make me sleepy, reading, writing, and then sleeping. Travel on the train is boring. Boredom forced me to think about sad facts about life. Sad facts pushes me towards escapism. Escapismness seduces me to the world of perverted delusions. Perverted delusions cause violence. Violence gains me power. Power produces sad facts. Sad facts are boring.

LOL


November 03, 2005

21岁

21岁的时候,我还什么都不懂。一个人徘徊在伦敦过早被夜幕渲染的街头。左手边是我的新学校,装着一堆我怎么搞也搞不清楚的哲学理论。右手边是Southhampton Row,顺着这条路走,我就可以找到我的某任前男友,同样满肚子都是我搞不懂的哲学理论。通常他一边喝着啤酒,一边情绪激昂的宣泄对社会的不满。我不知道我为什么会爱他。顺着这条路一直往北,再走上个三天三夜,就能和我另一任前男友碰头。至今我都不知道我到底跟他有没有分手。但我知道,他的情绪,比所有的哲学加起来都要难懂。我不知道我还爱不爱他。但我的右手仿佛在无限延长,不断往北探索,如此下去,总是能寻找到过去的一些历史。而我的左手,停留在学校的大门外面,在那里,仿佛有一堵无形的墙,在阻止它的生长。

我的21岁,穿着结实的旅行鞋摩擦着伦敦看不出几成新的地面,向南向北,前面的路,仿佛都是无限长。就像我的肠子,可以绕着地球,转好几个圈。等我的左手和右手会合了,我就会已经度过好几个21岁。但我的左右手,虽然届时已经历经沧桑,恐怕还是很迷惘的一双手罢。

怎么办?

还想加一句: 难道这就是少年维特的烦恼?


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