All entries for Thursday 20 July 2006

last call

seems i still do not deserve the last chance.
Heading for hotel…

Xiu Wang : 20 Jul 2006 21:55 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Lounge

Staying in the lounge, holding my last bit of hope for the next flight. Although I don't think the luck is on my side, I still prefer to wait. Yvonne was making fun of my recent disastrous experiences of flying home by saying that 'this is a sign that you should not leave anyway'. I had a good laugh over that. Yesterday when she and I decided to have a mid-night walk around the lake, it started raining, and she said the same thing: this is a sign that you should sleep? How many times that the benevolent God/Buddha has been showing me the right way of life? I still remember some time ago, in the Tomoko Takahashi's crash course, http://www.warwickartscentre.co.uk/events/mead I picked up a picture from the trash, which says ''the safe way is the best way''. Maybe it is true. But sometime we are just unwilling to take things as they are, and we just want to see whether some effort will make a difference. Like what I am doing now: although I know there might be no chance at all that I can get on the next flight, I am still sitting in the airport and waiting. Pathetic, or respectful human nature? I am not fighting against you, God; I am just trying everything I can to make my life the way I want it to be.
I try whatever I can, you decide whatever I deserve. Fair enough.

Xiu Wang : 20 Jul 2006 21:02 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

damn

just be informed that the flight was cancelled and wont be ready until tomorrow… God, i just thanked u for giving me a sweet life, and look how u answered my good will…

Xiu Wang : 20 Jul 2006 17:10 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

heathrow

Finally at Heathrow again.
Have been in this Cathay Lounges for many times, and every time I stick with this seat and this desktop: the second row, the second from the right. I might be that kind of silly and stubborn type————–I prefer something old/familiar than anything new/strange.
This might explain why I was very upset yesterday and this morning. Ever since I took off all the posters, pictures and photos off from the wall, I started to feel really really depressed. Every picture that I put on the wall tells me a story, either of a chat with a friend on a sunny afternoon, or a movie with somebody on a weekend evening, or of a restless night that I failed to write anything. When I took them off the wall one by one, my enthusiasm of going home simply faded bit by bit.
This morning, when the girl who is going to be the next tenet came, I really feel reluctant to give her the key. She checked everything in the room——–basically there is nothing left I would say———and she was satisfied. She locked up my (now her) room, said 'thank you' politely and left. I had to take all my stuff to the kitchen and waited for the taxi there. Luckily I've got friends with me———imagine what if I have to stay in the kitchen all by myself! So I actually have nothing to complain. But the whole stupid idea of feeling reluctant to let go of my Heronbank life is still floating in the air.
I later found myself actually crying on the National Express, like a complete idiot! I really don't know why and how. Last time I was ok on National Express, because a flatmate knows me so well that she decided to accompany me all the way to the airport, but I cried like hell on the flight and scared the old man sitting next to me. This time since I already cried on the coach, I bet I will be alright on the flight (well, let's just wait and see?)
But I do look forward to going home. I feel myself melting thinking of Edward's smile. I called him just now, and heard his cheerful scream; he told me that he had moved everything back to 26A and he had his whole day scheduled and he will go and pick me up, and he was actually expecting to pick me up today because he thought I was going back on a rocket, and it took Charly quite a while to make him believe no rocket can fly at that speed? I smiled at the phone, and cried again like an idiot!
At that moment I suddenly feel very very thankful to God, or Fate or whatever Divine power that gave me this chance of living this life. All my stupid depressions come out of the fact that there are so many good things happening in my life that I almost can not digest the old ones before something better turns up. My Heronbank was a very nice episode, and I might not even have time to reflect its sweet aftertaste because I have to move forward. I am not complaining, nor should I, if the coming life is going to be even sweeter. But I do believe some years later, on some very quiet and peaceful afternoon somewhere on this planet, I might get back to this episode again———either in a cup of freshly brewed mint tea, or in the then–classic song of ''crazy''?

Xiu Wang : 20 Jul 2006 16:58 |  Tags: Thought |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

bye

leaving in one and a half hour
just wake up. had a weird dream, saying goodbye to all sorts of weird friends, primary school friends, high school, university ones…
seems I am getting a bit upset about leaving…
But the moment I see edward, i guess i will completely forget the whole idea of "ethics of location" hahahaha… after all, he is my ancher i guess.

Xiu Wang : 20 Jul 2006 09:30 |  Tags: Life |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem