Turkey Ham

What is Turkey Ham, we asked? Here is the answer. When visiting Godfrey today at Morrisons in Norwich which is right next to the football stadium & another branch of Next, we stole the sticker off some Turkey Ham to tell the world the following:

THERE IS NO HAM IN TURKEY HAM!!

Ingredients are as follows:
turkey (60%), water, salt, stabilisers, potato & rice starch, milk, protein, dextrose, whey protein, flavouring, antioxidant, acidity reguklator, flavouring, preservative, yeast extract, garlic

Eleanor Darlington : 02 Apr 2006 03:09 |  Comments (8) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Stuff and Such

So, we've just about recovered from the crazy week of Rob and Steve's birthdays. Best Sunday ever was spent at the Wing Wah (out of the bubble – crazy!) with exploding pineapples (which don't grow on trees despite what Rob says) and a million repetitions of the 'Happy Bathday' song that makes you want to dive into a vat of sweet and sour sauce and burn yourself to shit. Damn good food though. Then we got hammered.

Rob's birthday on Monday so we got hammered again. Top B with Rob and Steve dressed in metallic cardboard regalia and Ninja Girl a.k.a Super Sal bought me the 'happy engagement' she said she would (cheers to her wherever she is…).

Tuesday was Steve's birthday and Rob, Steve, Jon, Bex and James did a centurion before we went out to Evolve in Leamington. (leaving the bubble again!) The night started well with missing the bus and then performing terribly on the Pepsi Chart Quiz in Rootes Social. The bus we got on was packed full of I-block people who elbowed me and ellie in the head several times and threatened to pour cider over Steve. Steve and Bex were ready to take them down by the time we got off the bus but then it turned out she knew one of them and they showed mercy. However now when we pass I-block we can sing "I-block girls are illegitamate, they ain't got no birth certificates…."

Then we arrived at Evolve a.k.a. a crypt. there must have been about 20 people on the dance floor, including the crazy old breakdancing dude (see gallery) who seemed to be wearing some kind of bulletproof jacket/life jacket ensemble. so we danced (with a lot of room to move) and eventually me and james decided to sit in the bar and drink. i was far too sober at this point.

After that we managed to persuade a kebab house type place to open for us and i got the last piece of fried chicken with some kind of possiby potato goods. interesting.

Later in the week, we explored the joys of mead at the real ale festival! Mead is amazing, i love mead! If anybody out there knows how we could possily get some of that shit, post a comment.

anyway, this is getting rambly now and i think i have to go and collect washing. not really sure when it's due out of the tumble dryer owing to the lack of timepiece about my person. how slack.

Marion Cubitt : 04 Mar 2006 19:54 |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Random Facts About Vin Diesel

Writing about web page http://www.4q.cc/vin/

• Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
• If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
• There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
• When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, & instead requests a hand gun & a bucket.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
• When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
• Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
• Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.
• Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
• Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
• When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
• Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
• When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
• Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
• Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, & the game beat itself out of fear.
• Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
• You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, & the tears of small children.
• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
• Vin Diesel never took an acting class. Instead, he believes every movie he makes is real life, & the camera's are just there to record his actions for future generations. These future generations will wonder if Vin Diesel was real, or an imaginary creation. Vin Diesel will then kill the future generation.
• When Vin Diesel thinks that his lungs are too black from cigarettes, he simply eats a pound of pure bleach. It usually works.10am, Vin Diesel’s mouth becomes a portal to Narnia. Plan accordingly.
• Rather than shave his head, Vin Diesel simply undergoes chemotherapy to remove his hair.
• There was actually no cast, crew, or sets for The Chronicles of Riddick. He ate film, crapped it, & it came to be.
• The Periodic Table is actually a listing of every element that Vin Diesel has ever consumed. Even Plutonium.
• Vin Diesel shaves his face with a vegetable peeler.
• Vin Diesel can touch MC Hammer.
• He is made up of smaller, slightly more British Vin Diesels.
• Vin Diesel was never actually born. After eight months of gestation, he carved his way out of his mother's womb with a rusty knife.
• Every night, Vin Diesel does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out.
• Vin Diesel only bruises three things: apples, peaches, & bitches.
• If a Vin Diesel crosses your path it is bad luck unless you buy & toss a copy of "The Pacifier" over your shoulder.

Eleanor Darlington : 02 Mar 2006 19:16 |  Comments (25) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

The Beer Man

Jonathan Rhodes : 18 Feb 2006 14:45 |  Comments (3) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Questions To Candidates

During the sabb elections a few weeks ago when candidates were coming round kitchens trying to win votes, we decided to have a bit of fun with it. Rather than basing our decision to vote on policies, which were all pretty much generic anyway, we asked a series of insightful (some may say stupid or pointless, but they'd be wrong) questions. Here is what the candidates have to say, and 17 reasons why we love Michael Williams more than oxygen…

How many squirrels can you fit in a Mini? (old Mini, grey squirrels)
MICHAEL WILLIAMS: 2.5×10^4
BRIAN DUGGAN: N/A
THE WONG: N/A
HEATHER: 0
CLEO: 1300
KATIE CHEVIS: 5000
CHIPS' MINION: 500
SUPER SAL: 600
iBEN: 54
MAHMOUD EL-SHARKAWY: 0
GEORDIE: 300
TOM WOOD: 580
HALINA WATTS: 200
NIC: 124
CHIPS: 17
AJ BROWN: 400

Which is better: Busted or McFly?
MW: McFly
BD: Busted
W: N/A
H: McFly
C: Busted
KC: Busted
CM: Busted
SS: Busted
iB: McFly
ME: McFly
G: McFly
TW: McFly
HW: Busted
N: Busted
C: McFly
AJ: Busted

Do you believe in God?
MW: some presence
BD: no
W: no
H: some presence
C: yes
KC: no
CM: don't know
SS: yes
iB: yes
ME: yes
G: open minded
TW: no
HW: no
N: no
C: believes in dogs
AJ: yes

What's the best day of the week?
MW: Thursday
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: N/A
KC: Wednesday
CM: Wednesday
SS: Friday
iB: Friday
ME: Saturday
G: Saturday
TW: Friday
HW: Friday
N: Friday
C: Friday
AJ: Saturday

What's Jon's middle name?
MW: 30 minutes, correct answer (Julian)
BD: 1 guess, wrong
W: 1 guess, wrong
H: 20 minutes, wrong
C: 3 guesses, wrong
KC: 1 guess, wrong
CM: 3 guesses, wrong
SS: 1 guess, wrong
iB: 4 guesses, wrong
ME: 0 guesses
G: 1 guess, wrong
TW: 1 'guess', correct answer
HW: 3 guesses, wrong
N: 1 'guess', correct answer
C: 15 guesses, wrong
AJ: 4 guesses, wrong

Where's the best place on campus to go dogging?
MW: top of "The Cone", top of the maths building, CP 15
BD: CP1
W: field
H: nature reserve
C: nature reserve
KC: gatehouse CP10A
CM: learning grid CP
SS: Piazza
iB: science park
ME: VC house
G: CP6
TW: CP at lake
HW: health centre
N: on sofas in Arts Centre
C: Westwood
AJ: CP15

If you had to kill someone, what would be your weapon of choice?
MW: force feed them with their own stomach so they drown in their own crap (that, or Columbo)
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: staple gun
KC: injection
CM: poison
SS: nose
iB: stick with metal on end
ME: axe
G: MRSA
TW: bare hands
HW: ice pick
N: mushroom
C: wood with nails in
AJ: revolver

If it takes 3 men 6 days to dig 3 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole?
MW: wrong
BD: wrong
W: wrong
H: wrong
C: correct answer (you can't dig half a hole)
KC: wrong
CM: wrong
SS: wrong
iB: wrong
ME: wrong
G: correct answer
TW: wrong
HW: wrong
N: correct answer
C: wrong
AJ: wrong

What is your favourite cereal mascot?
MW: Professor Wheato
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: Loopy
C: N/A
KC: N/A
CM: Professor Wheato
SS: Snap
iB: Pop
ME: Tony The Tiger
G: Honey Monster
TW: Crackle
HW: Coco The Monkey
N: Lucky Charm Leprechaun
C: Loopy
AJ: Tony The Tiger

If you drop a hamster off the roof, what would be the radius of its splatter?
MW: no splatter, it bounces to bottom of 2nd floor
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: N/A
KC: 4m
CM: 0.5m
SS: 0.3m
iB: 10ft
ME: 1m
G: 1m
TW: 96mm
HW: 2m
N: 1.25m
C: 72cm
AJ: 1m

What is the best set to own on Monopoly?
MW: orange
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: N/A
KC: dark blue
CM: orange
SS: red
iB: orange
ME: dark blue
G: orange
TW: light blue
HW: dark blue
N: yellow
C: dark blue
AJ: yellow

When does today end & tonight begin?
MW: 7pm
BD: 7pm
W: N/A
H: after work finishes
C: N/A
KC: when you go to sleep
CM: 6pm sharp
SS: 6:43:44pm
iB: 5pm
ME: 7pm
G: 6pm
TW: 11:59:30pm
HW: 5pm
N: 7.30pm
C: 6pm
AJ: 7pm

What is Turkey Ham?
MW: mainly turkey
BD: didn't have a clue
W: didn't know
H: turkey & ham
C: turkey & ham
KC: didn't have a clue
CM: no idea
SS: turkey pork
iB: turkey & ham
ME: turkey & ham
G: breast of something
TW: processed turkey
HW: meat
N: pig & turkey crossbreed
C: type of ham
AJ: didn't know

How many Greek letters can you write down in 30 seconds?
MW: 12
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: N/A
KC: 4
CM: 6
SS: 2
iB: 4
ME: 6
G: 2
TW: 10
HW: 1
N: 3
C: 4
AJ: 6

How many American states can you list in 1 minute?
MW: 17
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: N/A
KC: N/A
CM: 1
SS: 13
iB: 16
ME: 4
G: 10
TW: 8
HW: 8
N: 6
C: 10
AJ: 11

What is your favourite number?
MW: 5
BD: N/A
W: N/A
H: N/A
C: N/A
KC: N/A
CM: 4
SS: 1
iB: 12
ME: 69
G: 7
TW: 72
HW: 6
N: 3
C: 21
AJ: 12

What is your worst feature?
MW: knees
BD: nose
W: N/A
H: control freak
C: N/A
KC: needy, chest infection
CM: small willy
SS: nose
iB: head
ME: handwriting
G: face
TW: height
HW: feet
N: nose
C: hormone penis
AJ: face

Eleanor Darlington : 12 Feb 2006 19:26 |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

N3 Quotes Term 2

Matt, if you really want cock cheese… – Marion

I'm gonna fuck your left leg – Jon
I'm gonna fuck your right leg & then we're gonna share the legs – Haluke

Blowing makes everything better – Ellie

Hakan, show me your penis – Jon

Hakan, is that your cock – Ellie

I have the most nipples – Bridie

Do I look like I want a fucking fish pie? – Jon

When would I be drunk in a situation where people were asking me to take blood? – Ellie (on the phone)

I don't understand what the wind is – Jo

Don't you think I have a perfectly hand shaped hand? – Jo

The Joymaster has returned – Matt

What's with the disco music? – Hakan (when listening to Air Guitar II)

Jo, don't struggle, you'll only make it hurt more – Rob
Is that what you say to all the girls, Rob? – Ellie

Jon, that's one massive head – Anne

James, that seat looks a little soft… I've got something much harder – Rob

Matt says do you like the cock? – Ellie
I love the cock – Jon

Did the Titanic really happen? – Jo

Eleanor Darlington : 11 Feb 2006 18:03 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Marion is annoying

Despite what you see in the pictures of me looking stupid, I'm not stupid and I don't have an onion fetish. Those pictures are taken completely out of context.

This is absolutely true. Anything you read is a lie.
Matt is also annoying.

James Houghton : 10 Feb 2006 18:39 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

First ever blog

Jonathan Rhodes : 08 Feb 2006 03:29 |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem