Last night I couldn’t sleep , the TV was off and I was staring on its black display for hours , I could see what ever I was thinking about in it’s black eye. Then the story continued in bed around this question what do I want from life? , to answer the question I reviewed some people’s lives to find some samples ,people came into my mind in a queue , everyone with a bit of good and a bit of not my cup of tea.
I thought perhaps I am abnormal , to keep thinking about these questions , perhaps I better shut up and enjoy life as it is ,wasting days and nights as they come , sometimes taking my chances sometimes wasting them.
Then another queue came to my mind a series of interesting bits in my life , working since I was 9 starting from 2:00 am whole summer holiday , being a volunteer in war while I was only a teenager ,holding a friend’s head on my knee until he dies from bullets , getting injured from explosions , driving a motorbike since I was 11 , driving since I was 13 , selected as the best student of my school ,working as a part time taxi driver when I was only 16.being the youngest mountain cycling champion after training days and nights in those dangerous hilly roads, Studying in the top Universities , executing shows ,and teaching in the top universities in my country ,printing books , writing poems in two languages ,getting MSc in Nuclear Engineering ,establishing a college and then drowning to its debts because of lack of justice in that country. Then working and sleeping in Pizza shops in another country, doing painting, plumbing, masonry , study abroad , study MSc again , finding better jobs , getting two nationalities ,visiting many countries , finding friends from all around the world. A series of many different experiences mixed and covered with laughs, tears, loves, pains, grief and joys.
And then the question that comes after these is : so what is next , what do I want from life. I thought, I better search the internet and I found this:
Although it talks about grief, but indirectly told me why I am thinking about what I want from life.
It seems I have some options , the first option could be oh, just be whatever they want you to be, be around , work , watch TV (not the dark screen of course) , enjoy some holidays and then
. , you had enough, bye bye , boa noite, お休みなさい , شب بخیر , Buenas noches, لَيْلة سَعيدة, Good night ,Goeie nag, 晚安. yes , it doesnt matter what language we speak , the last word has the same meaning.
And the last option could be (I omitted the middle options ) , do something interesting before you die , like go to Africa or in any other poor country , help people in any way you can , maybe as a teacher , a consultant or whatever they need and then die in their warm priceless tears. Life is not cheap, don’t waste it.