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March 14, 2012

Internet Research and the Return of my Mojo – by Bernie

I'm having a much better week, thank goodness. Last week was a bit wearing, all things considered, but I feel quite fired up and massively enthusiastic this week, which is all good. And so much nicer for the people who have to live with me, I'm sure. Although having said that, I'm perhaps a little too hyperactive for my poor husband, who was only just getting used to my downbeat self!

hyperactive me

I'm not really sure what changed, but I suddenly find myself achieving many things on a daily basis. And in particular, I seem able to flit between the multiple areas that are currently whizzing around my brain - teaching, marking, writing about NHS managers, reflecting, midwifery stuff...

I've started doing something that seems quite productive, which is at the end of every day, just writing down in a little notebook all the things I've done. Because I think part of my problem last week was seeing everything as a big mess, and not being able to separate it all into manageable parts. By writing my daily achievements down, I can see how much I really have done, instead of fretting about the big, unwieldy picture that scares me rigid!

Also, I've been actively revisiting the world of midwifery, and I think that's helped me to keep sight of the reason I've been doing this in the first place. The Business School is not my natural home, and I think I was in danger of thinking that at the end of the PhD I would have nowhere to go. But this week, I've been exploring the midwifery research arena, and it looks pretty healthy, so I can see a place where I might happily end up.

So this is all good, right? And the next time I spiral into panic, I'd be most grateful if someone could sit me down and make me read this post. Because I'm sure I'll be productive and efficient for a while, but there's the constant danger of forgetting this, and letting the PhD stress get out of proportion again before too long. I hated how I felt last week, and I love how I feel this week. I might just need a bit of help in maintaining this buzz...


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