You're No Fun Anymore – by Lauren
Next week is Week 1. WEEK 1. Which means *sharp intake of breath* I'm a third year. How the hell did that happen?!
This time of year always puts me in a pensive mood. (I mean, pensive even for an arts PhD student. Which is pretty pensive indeed.)
This is particularly heightened this year as it coincides with the farewell tour (*sob*) of my favourite band, The Bluetones. They have been together 17 years, with 6 albums. I have seen them 9 times. My love for The Bluetones has outlasted most other significant relationships in my life.
Meanwhile, several of my PhD peers, including my partner, are reaching the submission stage.
The words of Burt Bacharach have rarely seemed so pertinent: "breaking up is so very hard to do".
All this got me thinking about how much writing a thesis is like being in a relationship. I'm looking back on two years of research, two very different years, that eerily seem to echo the stages of a romantic entanglement.
Year One, Term One
The Honeymoon Period. Those precious days when the sun just won't stop shining and there aren't enough hours in the day to drink in all the gloriousness of your beloved. When every moment spent apart makes you ache with longing. When every moment together passes at a frenetic pace and you can't believe how the hours fly - look it's getting light outside already, and we're still up, here, together.
Your first term or so with your thesis is like this. Look at all these fabulous ideas we've got and how much time we have ahead of us. We can look forward to the future - see how many exciting books we've got to read! I promise I will never get bored of you, or not want to be with you, thesis.
Year One, Term Two
While the initial exhilaration may wane as you find your feet, it gives way to a warm contentment and general sense of well-being and safety. Working on your thesis feels like being nestled in a cosy living room, with a log fire blazing away in the corner. We know where we're headed now, we know which shelves in the library we need to access regularly, what journals we like to keep up to date on, what hours of the day are best spent together. We've got a bit of a routine on - nothing boring, mind you; just nice, safe, comfortable.
The nagging voices of outsiders rear up in this period. "Do you actually have that much in common?" they say. "3/10 PhD candidates don't complete in 7 years, you know" (this is extremely snide, and is the academic equivalent of telling newly-betrothed couples that 1 in 3 marriages ends in divorce). In this state, however, you are apt to ignore them, you know that you and your thesis are the perfect fit, and no-one can tell you otherwise.
Year Two, Termtime
Reality has kicked in, and though you and your thesis are still going steady, there are jobs to be done too. Teaching, administration, part-time work and chasing publication all mean that you can't spend as much time together as you would like. But that's okay, who were you kidding, thinking you could stay up together til 5am each morning? Life just isn't like that.
Other things have changed, too. When you do spend time together, everything about your thesis drives you up the wall. The things you used to find endearing - the unanswered questions, the structural quandaries, hell, even the font you're using to write the thing in - now fill you with an intense and building rage.
Year Two, Summer
After months of increasing neglect, you get a wake-up call. Your thesis needs you back. "I'm leaving you," it says, "unless you invest some serious time in our relationship". You take one look at it: messy, bedraggled, incomplete, and know that you need to take action. You might even have to call in a counsellor (your supervisor) to mediate this one.
Gone are the days of the cosy living room. Working on your thesis is like meeting up with a lover you've not seen in a long time. You're trying to give it the attention it needs, but it takes time to get reacquainted. The conversation is slow, stilted, forced even. You write painfully slowly; a paragraph, sometimes half a paragraph, at a time.
Your thesis knows that there are others in your life - articles, conference papers that are shorter, newer and more glamorous than it - and you secretly start to question whether you would have been better off with that abandoned first topic all along.
But, with the investment of time, effort and perhaps a bottle of wine, things can become amiable again, and your relationship, while perhaps lacking the intensity and purity it once did, blossoms on a new level, one built upon mutual respect and understanding.
So that's where I'm at now. My thesis and I have gradually repaired our relationship, to the point at which we're talking again. And we didn't break up. Yet.
Year 3, Autumn
Unlike the best relationships, however, all good thesis must come to an end. And now I'm only (potentially) 12 months away from that eventuality. This year might be our toughest test yet. I hope we're ready for it.
What stage are you at in your thesis relationship? What have I got instore for me this year? Is there any way to rekindle the romance of the early days (I'm guessing sexy lingerie and candles won't cut it...)?
Lauren Thompson
27 Sep 2011 10:52
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Tags: Inner Life Lauren Research Process
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[Skip to the latest comment]Bernadette Divall
Hi Lauren – my thesis and I have also just passed the two-year anniversary, while myself and my husband have just reached 24 years together (I know! I must have been SO YOUNG when we met!!). I actually think that in both cases, I retain my original honeymoon-ish state. Which is not to say that there aren’t times when the going is tough, but I’m a very firm believer in counting my blessings, and I’m also an enormous optimist. I know some people would suggest I’m massively unrealistic, or just plain lucky, but my point is that all these things take effort and perseverance. And a highly developed sense of fun! And given that I still love my husband after 24 years together, I think I do have some credit behind me on this one!
As for the thesis, I too am entering the final year, but I see the challenge in terms of motherhood. Just as I hope to send my three beautiful children out into the world as happy, well balanced individuals who will go on to have an interesting, fun and stimulating life, I sort of see the thesis in the same way: in a year’s time, I want to be able to wave it on its way as it moves into the big, wide world of research dissemination, a beautiful and cohesive THING that I can be proud of.
26 Sep 2011, 18:03
Lauren Thompson
Hey Bernie! 24 years – wow, that is good going! Congrats to you and hubby. As you say, with all relationships, the hope is that if you work at things hard enough you can get through the bad times and emerge stronger and happier – just what I’d like to achieve with this thesis!
The motherhood analogy is a good one too. The sheer joy that I get when it presents me with something unexpected and great – a connection I hadn’t thought of before, a piece of evidence that proves my point exactly – always strikes me as (in a very, very small way) what it must feel like when your toddler comes out with something hilarious or really clever!
26 Sep 2011, 20:54
Lauren Thompson
Also, I’m a bit worried now that the title of this blog might lead to its misreading. You’re No Fun Anymore is the title of a bluetones song, and not (wholly) a reflection on how I feel about my thesis!
26 Sep 2011, 22:25
Anna Sloan
I’d say I’m in the “this really needs to be over now, I’m just looking for a suitable moment to break up, which will probably be in about 6 months’ time once I’m over this hump at work” stage. Ugh.
27 Sep 2011, 09:32
Ian Hancox
Hi Lauren, much of this rings true for me, started my final year of 4, realise I have to get out the lab soon and start writing a great big book! The sad thing is I will actually miss some of the equipment I use and maintain (how lame!). Here’s to the hope of finishing on time!
27 Sep 2011, 09:44
Charlotte Mathieson
great post, Lauren! I’d say that the third year is all about getting back to some much-needed quality time together. Sure it may not be the whirlwind romance of the honeymoon phase but it’s deeper and more meaningful; you can just relax now you know each other so well. Take it on a romantic (conference) weekend if things start to get a little slow.
27 Sep 2011, 10:02
Lauren Thompson
Anna – How do we think we should all manage our inevitable thesis break-up? Chocolate, wine, sad songs? Or moving on to the next one as soon as possible?!
Ian – It sounds like you’ve set yourself up well for the all-important writing-up year though! Good luck, looking forward to hearing about your progress.
Charlotte – That does sound like my ideal scenario for third year! We’re getting on very well today, it has to be said. I feel a cosy winter snuggled up together coming on!
27 Sep 2011, 10:56
Faisal Azhar
Hi, The things you mentioned in year 1 are exactly that I have experienced. Excellent post, it gives me a good insight into the year 2 and year 3. Hope things go well in year 2 and year 3.
27 Sep 2011, 13:19
Anna Sloan
Definitely a girly trip to Majorca :-)
27 Sep 2011, 13:32
Barbara Ottmann
Great read – I can see this happening. So much to look forward to :)
14 Oct 2011, 20:24
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