stars

Doing my mother’s filing today ( a literally thankless task, tit for tat for spending her money on shoes and sushi) I came across my birthchart. Three pages essentially trying to write me down on paper, all the little secret, intangible bits of my personality marked up to an alignment of moving planets and burning stars. I often want to ask my friends who I am – at least who they see because sometimes it feels like I am just exploding into bits of self that I can’t pin down and therefore can’t make sense of. Not to say I am a deeply complex person – just that the task of ‘know thyself’ is harder than two words can hint at.
It says I like helping people, that I am clear headed when it comes to others but that I am secretive, particularly in love, and have difficulty expressing feeling unless I am totally secure. Also that I place too high a value on being seen by others as perfect. I’m not sure whether anyone else cares about that, but I found it deeply interesting.
Who doesn’t feel insecure, who doesn’t feel that they need to be perfect? Sometimes I look at the people I know and they just are so – shining, so golden in their different ways, and yet they never realise that. Friends who complain about their lazyness, or their fickleness, or their excess fat, or their mood swings. People who make me so happy with their presence, yet who think that when I tell them they are great it is just lip service. Still, words on a page are easier to believe than real people, ruled by unseen motives and personal ties.
I would like to have a birth chart that says I am too impulsive and don’t think enough of the consequences of my actions.

: 20 Sep 2005 01:54 |  Comments (0) |  Report a problem