October 12, 2008

Unconnected musings

It's interesting what goes through your mind at 23.37 on a Sunday night, when you know you should be in bed because you have to get up early in the morning for work, but you're just not in the work frame of mind because you've had one of those rare weekends where you haven't actually HAD to be anywhere or DO anything you didn't want (n.b. you still DO go places and realised actually you HAD to clean the house, but at least nobody expected it to be done.)

Having had one such weekend, and having been in a rather strange state of mind for most of it, this is exactly the sort of time that I start getting all reflective and often rather sad. I think about what has been, what could have been and what is. Randomly looking back at some old facebook pictures I discovered someone who I used to be friends with (and just for the record it was HIM who cut the ties, I was perfectly prepared to forgive and forget his actions up until recently) who obviously left facebook (for whatever reason) is now back on there, because he's tagged in the pictures and when I click on him he comes up still with 2 mutual friends. Now I know that people "facebook purge" all the time - I've done it myself when I realise there are people you know you have added but won't really ever talk to, so it's fine that he's removed me as a friend - he did it in real life so might as well do it online! I guess it was just the finality of the thing, to know he was still on there, but that he chose not to want anything to do with me when the whole reason for him alienating himself from everyone wasn't my fault. I would rather that he'd just disappeared from facebook entirely, than know he's still on there deliberately ignoring me.

Then again, why care so much? I don't know. Probably that reflective thing again. After all, we used to be quite good friends really. And so I'm a little sad now. But that was just one thing, other things have had me in quite the odd mood over the weekend. Luckily I have nice people like Stu around who do a marvellous job of cheering me up, and distracting me from big scary things (next weeks results mainly) by taking me to see happy rescue ponies at Redwings Horse Sanctuary and writing me poems :-)

My mind is so full of all the things I have to do, where I've got to be, what I am going to be faced with each and every minute that it's no wonder I'm looking and feeling a bit shattered. I find a racing mind very counterproductive to sleep. Probably why it's now 23.52 and I'm still not on the way to bed. I should go and at least give it a try...

Will try and write something a bit less dreary next time I get around to being on here. Promise.


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