June 21, 2006

Normal service will be resumed…

…as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.

In other words, this is my apology for being in a fairly rubbish mood this week. This weekend, I was fine, and I thought things (my mood in particular) were looking up. But this week I've so far been rubbish. I've so far bitten Sam's head off and not even attempted to join in the MC BBQ, which is definitely not right. (Instead, I have been sitting at home teaching myself Beatles songs on the guitar – hurrah!)

I'd say I don't know what's up, but I do. The problem is, it (on top of everything else, such as not sleeping and the feeling that there's not enough hours in a day) is really getting to me, way more than I should. I should be able to deal with this, and I definitely shouldn't be taking it out on other people, so those I've moaned to/yelled at/sobbed at, I really do apologise. I don't know what's gotten into me at the moment. Yeah, it's easy to put it down to stuff, but that should make it easier to solve, and it doesn't. I don't know why I can't just let go of what's upsetting me and be done but it seems that I can't. And it's making me feel like a rubbish person for being so… well, rubbish. I know Matt told me not to be too hard on myself, and he's right – I shouldn't be. At times like this I'm my own worst enemy as I tend to blame myself for not doing the right thing, even though I can see that a) I'm trying to, and b) I'm hurting, so I really do need to just let up. Easier said than done though, eh?

So just bear with me for the next few days/week or so. I'll be fine in the end, I just need to get through this (bizarrely) rough patch. And bear in mind that if I say I need to be alone, I probably do need to be alone, and half an hour with a book and a cuppa, or a long walk somewhere, will probably do me the best of good.

And don't worry. This malaise really won't last if I have anything to do with it!


- 4 comments by 3 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Lucy Griffiths

    Hugs!! Hope you feel better soon, I know what it feels like when you're down and it's hard to get out of it. Remember that we all love you lots and are here for you!

    21 Jun 2006, 22:11

  2. Matt Shields

    Well there are lots of books in my house and a whole moor to walk about in. And tea.

    So no worries when you're staying there. :)

    xx

    21 Jun 2006, 23:06

  3. Kelly Hutton

    i love you lu–be–lu! i am a little bit drunky and i am going to go to bed now. i hope that our walk/chat helped to cheer you up earlier, remember that i love you lots too and that as of september we can have lots of girly chats because you'll be in the next room to me! YEAY! ooh caps, error. score was muchos fun tonight, but now am muchos tired!! see you tomrrow!! love yoU!
    x x x x x x

    22 Jun 2006, 01:35

  4. more hugs you're not rubbish! Everybody has rough patches, and your lovely friends are all here to support you and try to help – we're not going to get upset with you for feeling pants! Tea definitely helps, so drink lots of it! Hope it rights itself somehow soon – remember everything is ok in th end – if it's not ok then it's not the end. Loads of love, xxx

    22 Jun 2006, 09:27


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