November 08, 2005

The Talented Mr Rippy

Um, I think my essay has stolen my life.

And what is more, is living it up in Bermuda with sun and cocktails and things, whilst I'm still sat here, not knowing where my day went.

I mean, it's really not on. I gave that essay everything. I'm the sole reason he got as far as he did. He wouldn't be half the man he is today if I hadn't been there to coax him into finding a reason to live. And how does he repay me?

I'll tell you how. By pissing off to a sunnier climate and using the hours of my day in which to do it. It's the only explanation for why it's now midnight and I still don't have a written essay. The day didn't happen to me, it happened to the glorious and beyootiful creation that is my essay who is, even now as I speak, lying on a beach with a glass containing far too many different coloured alcohols and fruits, and probably an attractive novel or two hanging adoringly off each of his paragraphs.

He has stolen my life, and given me no reward but his empty page, flashing open in Microsoft Word to taunt me with his absence. His title is there, but he himself is not. No normal essay would do this. Mind you, geniuses are always troubled creatures, so maybe it's a good sign and he's an exceptionally intelligent being.

I know he's out there somewhere. One day, I will find him, and will be able to rehabilitate him by handing him in to be savagely marked and maybe even… filed.

I just hope he's not with Gwyneth Paltrow. Now that really would mean he was a lost cause. I'll know to give up all hope if he breezes in with a panama hat and asks me to call him 'Dickieeeee.'


- 3 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. As excuses for not handing in assignments go, I'd say "my essay has emigrated" is a good one.

    09 Nov 2005, 19:45

  2. Oh dear, lovely. Your essay really has stolen your life. But keep blogging! That way I can just read about your life instead of doing my PWP whimper

    12 Nov 2005, 16:35

  3. Elizabeth Jenner

    Ssh… don't mention that word. I've ripped it from the OED and replaced it with flocolate, which is basically lovely fluffy chocolate. Oh yes.

    16 Nov 2005, 01:33


Add a comment

You are not allowed to comment on this entry as it has restricted commenting permissions.

November 2005

Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
Oct |  Today  | Dec
   1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30            

Search this blog

Most recent comments

  • Elizabeth it is amazing how people think the same thing, my girlfriend would love a nose cosey cause… by Dian on this entry
  • I too am enjoying the eternal job search. I suffer the affliction of a 'well rounded' cv. by Rhea on this entry
  • oooh! pretty shoes & pretty (bare?) feet! by charles on this entry
  • I went to the page and stage of sam west play As you like and met sam west in person. I went up on t… by Alison on this entry
  • Helllllooooooo Lizzie! It occured to me recently that we have not spoken in a fairly ridiculous amou… by Bethany on this entry
Not signed in
Sign in

Powered by BlogBuilder
© MMXIV