All 14 entries tagged Creative Splurging

the company of amazing inventions

Interesting excerpt from an article in a national newspaper :

…recently acclaimed The Warwick Inventions Company (world enterpreneur of year 2005) was successfully spun out of Warwick University's Chemistry, Engineering and Philosophy departments two years ago. Now the market leader, it's rapid ascent to the top has not gone unnoticed- the successful model WIC implemented is being closely analysed by leading British institutions such as Oxbridge & Goldsmiths.

A small company of 42 dedicated employees, CEO Floda Ye Hetlir attributes himself and the company's combination of facist & socialist principles for its success: "Using a highly trained workforce of mainly gypsy children, we've built up an arsenal of products, renegaded on some deals and then proceeded to blitzkrieg our opposition into submission."

He argues success lies with constant conquest, i.e. newer bolder products that will take the market by storm. And a strengthing portfolio is what the company is achieving. In their annual report WIC mentions several exciting products that have increased turnover by 12.3478%:

Yummy perfume range: Non- provocative scented perfumes, including: Oven fresh bread, Coriander herbs & Diesel exhaust pour homme scents.

Pinchynator and Pinchynator deluxe: are a range of brightly coloured high definition low density plastic sheets that are clipped to the trouser or skirt in a manner that covers the derriere, thus preventing pinching. Size of the sheet covers most derriere sizes (though not all).

Drunk Water: Get drunk without drinking alcohol! Yes thats right, DW bypasses all of those nasty side effects that alcohol has on you!! No more liver damage, bad breath, rotting teeth, red ruddy cheeks and nose, memory loss, alcoholic poisoning, nausea or hang overs!! Its true, its real and its coming here soon!!! _{Note there is a warning that drinking DW will induce dipsomania.}

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I feel proud that Warwick is competing with the best of them.

: 27 Jan 2006 19:40 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (2) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

He's behind you

What do you do if you happen to come across a colleague's, flatmate's or friend's blog, who in all his/her time of knowing you has never mentioned it. Lets imagine the worst case scenario, that they don't want you to know about it. Do you…

a)… tell them you have read this blog, full choca block with their intimate thoughts and…

i)...leave it at that.

ii) …not leave it at that and tell them…
…its great (even if its not) or its rubbish (even if it not).
… or slap them for their stupidity of owning a warwick blog and not forseeing this.
…or slap them for writing about you.
…or slap them for not writing about you.

b)... not tell them you read it...

i) …and never ever read it again or mention it to anyone else.

ii)...but tell everyone else about it, as your a complusive gossip and you have needs.

iii) …and use the knowledge gained from your new found insight into this person, so that you can…

…understand them better and help improve the quality of their life.
… not understand them better and become confused, before realising they're not who you thought they were. Which is a great/good/bad/terrible/cataclysmal/inconsequential thing.
…use the information to your advantage and
+ manipulate them.
++ manipulate them some more.
+++ manipulate them for their own good (or so you tell yourself that).
+++++ 'tease em
++++++ anonymously harrass them online.
+++++++ stalk 'em
++++++++ marry 'em.
+++++++++ kill 'em.
++++++++++ marry and then proceed to kill them in the elaborate but deeply flawed and morally reprehensible plan to assume control of their blog.

c) ...cry¹ or curse profusely for being placed in such a predictament.

d) ...sit down and write a blog entry about it

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1. It goes without saying real men will sob man sized tears.

: 16 Nov 2005 04:19 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

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: 31 Oct 2005 00:01 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (4) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

The self appreciation society.

I recently googled "Mohammad Malik",¹ which anyone worth his or her twopence will know are two of the most common names on Earth. Anyhow lo and behold I found that my fantabulous blog was the first result that Google returned. I freely admit to feeling giddy sensations of joy, albeit that the hits (by which google ascertains the popularity of a site) came from a single IP address.

Ignoring the above and this latter fact that everyone who blogs here is a numero uno google, my position as top MM on the web simply affirmed a belief that I have held: I am the bestest person in the whole entire world. This is not arrogance, vanity or stupidity on my part, just solid lumps of fact.

My ponderings lead me to further note mankinds self centred nature and desire to put themselves first. In an age of I, materialism and self, isn't it time you cast aside your selfish traits.

I say, let us return to the altruistic teaching of our forefathers, lets love for thy neighbour, be selfless and above all return to beliefs of expressing unquestioning adulation to a potentate- preferably me.

And to sweeten the deal, I will lend you an extra hour for winter. I can do that, as I am the BeSTest¹ in the world. Mummy says so.

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1. See what I did there, I'm soo clever. Mummy says that as well.

: 30 Oct 2005 21:01 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Miss, I really need to go

You couldn't make it up!

Finally we see who the real power is behind Bush. Oh and the note confirms something I've always suspected, the old boy hasn't learnt the art of joined-up handwriting yet.

: 16 Sep 2005 11:29 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

food for thought.

Mcdonalds is 50 today or somthing. I haven't been in one in ages but i thought the followig tidbit from the BBC deserved a comment:

"It's now in 121 countries, … Curiously – but no doubt meaninglessly – no two countries with a McDonald's presence have gone to war."

Meaninglessly?? Right there, smack bang in the middle of this entry could be the answer to world peace- conquer the world with a multinational conglomerate.¹

Back to the studymobile… Dunnn, dun, dun, DUNNN, dunnnnn Batman. (revision is making me crazy)

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1. I'm sure conquering alone is the key part you need to remember.

: 11 May 2005 11:17 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (5) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Hand eye

This maybe a oldie but it's a goodie and so deserves returning to if only to check your health and see how the time spent sitting at a computer is affecting it.

In a nutshell its an excellent hand to eye coordination test.

Warning: shouldn't be taken by hypochondriacs and scaredy cats.

Kudos to the people at liquidgeneration for devising it.

: 09 May 2005 21:41 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Tails of horror

Continuing on from my last entry on tails of horror, it is a little known fact that tails are evil. This is proven by the fact that satan has a red pointy bendy tail. The Robot devil has a tail, and what is the functional use of tail for a bipedal robot other then evil?There is no need for one, as demonstrated by the non-ruggedly handsome robot model on the right:

Here is more irrefutable proof:

1. cat 'o nine tails
Such is thee fear doth invoked from the mere mention of cat 'o nine tails peoples grasp of contemporary english slips as they babble in tongue or (more conveniently for people reading) babble half heartedly in olde english. The italian stallion of cinema Dario Argento also feared the lash and paid homage to it in a film he called:

2. cat 'o nine tails!
That he named arguably his scariest horror film after a whip named after a tail is an indication of how scary he thought it was. And the following indicates just how evil cat 'o nine tails is: Dario Argento later died (well thats not entirely true but it will be one day Dum Dum Derrr).

3. Animals
I've never been a big fan of four-legged creatures of the world. Whats wrong with using two legs. Cats, dogs, tigers, mice, elephants, cows, sheep, reindeer, rhinos, alligators, lizards, ants, giraffes, monkeys et al just take up more surface area then is needed. On a planet of finite surface its plain greedy- there simply is not enough space for us all. If we substitute the word greedy for evil and evil for tails then bam you'll notice that these creatures all have tails, yes even the ants!

4. fetus
And the final tail of horror. During pregnacy, as a fetus we have a tail. During the four weeks after gestation we develop a tail and just as quickly 4 weeks later we cunningly replace it with a spine. Hence humans are evil.

So in conclusion tails are an extension of evil.

Narmi

: 27 Apr 2005 00:47 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

7 tasty tales of tales and tails of horror

The scariest things on the web are those that lurk beneath your entries, in the deepest darkest regions of the comments section. Dark and disturbing thoughts have been found to live there. Voices of evil and satanic badness (running low on adjectives already- its pathetic i know) that echo long after the entry is long forgotten (when read in a loud clear voice in a long tunnel or on a mountain range, or even a cave- wifi is amazing these days). These are the tails of horror that will shake the very core of your soul.

So be warned before you click the comments button, dare ye face thy greatest fear? YE! so BE (pause) it.

: 15 Apr 2005 02:30 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (3) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

plus one

Using the mighty blog search engine i obtained the following results for the number of hits for key words @ 16:44 12/4/05. Results do not taking into account spelling, taste, tense, synonyms unless stated.

Topic ----------- Hits/Search matches

World domination 83
Evil plans 58
Antichrist 5

Sex 487
Chastity 1

yummy 61
teddy bear picnics 1

Custard gun 1

Profanity: 9
Swearing 219
fuck mother you 554
fuck 660

innit 34
chav 103

terrorism 39
turban terrorist 0

can't spell 189
cant spell 37
cunt spell 400

boy 826
girl 1355

hot 679
cold 684

rejected 136

hate 1250
love 3753

Religion: 173
god 1247
devil 113
God, devil total: 1360
Me 16688

mummy 73

fail 791
exams 403

: 12 Apr 2005 16:44 |  Tags: Creative Splurging |  Comments (6) |  Close comments |  Report a problem