NOT ENGLISH!!!
NORTHERN IRISH!!!
NOT ENGLISH!!!
COMES FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY!!!
NOT ENGLISH!!!

16 comments by 5 or more people

1. O'neill is a legend!
   Lets Holly guess the obvious reason why Helen rates him…........

   27 Apr 2006, 18:14

2. David Kelly

   Technically, Martin O'Neill is still employed by Celtic, and is taking a leave of absence for personal reasons. The way I understand it is that if O'Neill wants the Celtic job back, Gordon Strachan will very soon be unemployed.

   Besides, I thought it was Newcastle who wanted him, not us.

   27 Apr 2006, 18:59

3. Moz

   I'm glad to see that someone else noticed that Martin O' Neill isn't English– like the accent wasn't a giveaway or anything…

   The nationality of the England manager only seems to be an issue when we're doing bad– if we were winning tournaments and not losing 1–0 to Northern Ireland in qualifiers, no–one would care. Does anyone ramble on about the fact that the English cricket coach is Zimbabwean? No! Although they do seem to moan that half the England set–up are Welsh when Cardiff get awarded an Ashes Test…

   27 Apr 2006, 19:02

4. England and Preston legend Sir Tom Finney wanted to see a home–grown appointment.
   "I would personally like to see Martin O'Neill appointed," said Finney.

   ahahahahaha

   27 Apr 2006, 23:27

5. Holly Cruise

   Cries

   I thought Tom Finney was dead.

   Hell, I've even dug a little deeper and there seems to be a degree of evidence to suggest that (with a past in Gaelic football) he might be a Catholic Northern Irish which probably makes him closer to being from the Republic than was previously thought.

   Actually now I want him as England manager as the beautiful irony of England turning to RoIreland for help with the football would be just too much.

   27 Apr 2006, 23:45

6. We simply cannot have a national team manager who is more loyal to the Pope than to the Queen, or the Papists win.

   27 Apr 2006, 23:51

7. Dave tCB

   Doesn't matter who manages ingurlund, you'll always manage to blow it.

   If you take into account that Italy, Brazil, Uruguay and Argentina have won most of the world cups and most of their players would have been/are catholic, haven't the papists won already?

   28 Apr 2006, 00:10

8. Wait a minute… are you trying to tell us that Martin O'Neill isn't English?

   28 Apr 2006, 00:25

9. Holly Cruise

   Works it out...

   Brazil 5, Italy 3, Argentina 2, Uruguay 2, France 1 = Catholics = 13

   Germany 3, England 1 = Protestants = 4

   Therefore the Reformation is the reason why we don't win the World Cup… this does account for Holland's repeated failures but how do we explain Germany? Possibly it might be due to Catholic numbers in Germany being higher than England, possibly implying a required proportion of national Catholicism to achieve a World Cup, witness Italy losing the Brazil in 1994 when their Buddhist striker Roberto Baggio spooned a penalty. However this does not account for how monumentally shit Spain are/will be.

   I love how easy it is to write really stupid theories which are still supported by the evidence. This is what my degree has done to me.

   28 Apr 2006, 00:26

10. Holly Cruise

    In fact I can doubly back up that point about Italy in 1994 as the only team who actually beat them over 90 minutes was… the Republic of Ireland back when it was almost 90% Catholic. Now we have more people from non–Catholic countries living in Ireland, and therefore the team isn't as good anymore, failing to qualify for 2006.

    It's almost scary how a theory as stupid as this works so well…
    Remembers Spain
    Ok, maybe not, hehehe.

    28 Apr 2006, 00:36

11. Vincent Carroll-Battaglino

    no.
    it's totally true. don't discredit the truth.
    Spain are just an anomaly that we have to throw so the the prods don't figure it all out and come and kill us for being baddass footballers.
    So I wouldn't count Spain.

    28 Apr 2006, 13:44

12. Martin Levere

    Doesn't the Vatican have a football team?

    04 May 2006, 00:15

13. Vincent Carroll-Battaglino

    Is the Pope a Catholic?
    Are you a dickhead?

    04 May 2006, 00:31

14. David Kelly

    Aye, and the old one was a fairly good goalkeeper too.

    04 May 2006, 09:24

15. TJ

    Just before the Brazilian team was about to get on the field to play against England, Ronaldinho noticed that his teammates were looking a little glum.

    ”What’s wrong?” he asked.

    With a sigh, Cafu said “well, I really tried to get myself ready for this game. I purposely donated my captain’s arm band to the Canadian team for their game against Peru. I met with a hypnotist yesterday to make sure I would not expend more than half an effort. However, none of us can find any motivation to play England.”

    Ronaldinho, with his beady eyes stared at his team with compassion. “It is malicious that FIFA expects eleven Brazilians to have to endure a game against these unskilled Englishmen. I think it is wiser if you guys head back to the pub and I’ll undertake this farce by myself.”

    The Brazilian team looked at Ronaldinho with wonder. Kaka and Adriano could barely suppress a cry of joy at this display of football piety. On behalf of the team, Dida gave his thanks and declared that he would personally seek a candidacy from the Vatican for Ronaldinho to be canonized. After a few quick mutters of agreement, the Brazilian team quickly ushered themselves out of the Stadium thinking only of the ale they would be abusing.

    So Ronaldinho went out and played the English team by himself. After a few pints, the Brazilian team wondered how Ronaldinho was faring. A big cheer erupted from them when the television indicated Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) – England 0. Many pints later, the game is almost forgotten until Ze Roberto realizes an update on the score was called for. The television reads Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) – England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes). With less enthusiasm, another cheer erupts from the team and they pat each other’s backs in honor of how Ronaldinho single–handedly got a draw against England.

    They rush back to the Stadium only to find Ronaldinho contorted with a sad pig–faced expression. “I let you guys down” he bellows.

    “Don’t be ridiculous, the English only scored on you at the end of the game!”

    “No, I have let you down” Ronaldinho moaned, “I was sent off after 12 minutes.”

    20 Jul 2006, 17:18

16. Holly Cruise

    This joke in inaccurate.

    Lampard would never have scored in those conditions.

    20 Jul 2006, 17:53

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