All entries for Thursday 18 June 2009

June 18, 2009

Looking For Eric Sequels

Writing about web page http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242545/

One of the more unusual recent films (as in there are no giant killer robots at all) is Looking For Eric a film about a postman called Eric, whose life is a mess. In his time of need he starts to hallucinate that Eric Cantona, the second best no.7 United ever had (come on, Best shades it) and certainly the most entertaining Frenchman to play football in England ever (yes, more than Theirry Henry) comes to visit him. Eric Cantona in this film gives advice in a cryptic-poetic way, delivered in a thick French accent, with a hint of enigma and mystery to him. “I am Cantona” he reminds us.

Now in this day and age of franchises left, right and centre, this project clearly needs sequels! So here are some proposed sequel ideas. Feel free to take the ones you like and give me half the takings. I’ve decided that it’s best to tailor them to other clubs, as we cannot let Manchester United hog the limelight.

Looking For Shearer

Alan is a down and out pub landlord whose life is a mess. In his time of need he starts to hallucinate that Alan Shearer has come to visit him. After an initial mix up, in which Alan Shearer assumes Alan is a defender and elbows him in the head, Alan Shearer sets about giving bland and insight free ‘advice’ which inspires Alan to take his shirt off in very cold weather and support Newcastle United. Warning – film does not have a happy ending.

Looking For Carragher

Jamie is a down and out-of-work docker whose life is a mess. In his time of need he starts to hallucinate that Jamie Carragher has come to visit him. Jamie Carragher may or may not be offering Jamie some fantastic advice on how to sort his life out, but it’s almost impossible to tell as he has an accent thicker than Cantona’s French one. Subtitled.

Looking For Zola

Jonny Francis is a down and out city banker whose life is a mess. In his time of need he starts to hallucinate that Gianfranco Zola has come to visit him. Gianfranco Zola teaches Johnny Francis that he used to be likeable before he got too much money and started making everyone else’s lives harder. Johnny Francis gives up his job in the city to become an East End Cockney barrow-boy. He ends the film really popular again, only for the cliffhanger as the city bank ask for him to come back… Contains scenes of wealthy bankers some viewers may find offensive.

Looking For Steve Bull

Stephen is a down and out Wolves fan whose life is a mess. In his time of need he starts to hallucinate that Steve Bull comes to visit him. Stephen learns from Steve Bull that it’s not always necessary to be famous to be a hero to lots of people in the Black Country. Stephen takes up the challenge, and wins Black Country Idol, a regional pop contest. He becomes a huge hit in Wovlerhampton, has minor success in Dudley, and is never heard of by anyone outside of the area. Warning – this film contains parochial humour.

Looking For Louis Saha

Lewis is a physiotherapist in Liverpool whose life is a mess. In his time of need he starts to hallucinate that Louis Saha is injured again and needs his help to get him fit enough to walk from one side of the room to another without shattering into thousands of tiny fragments. Lewis tends Louis Saha back to health and sets him loose on football. A few days later Lewis gets the call that Louis Saha is injured again. Lewis then realises he is not hallucinating and is, in fact, trapped in an endless Groundhog Day style reality. A documentary.


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