February 17, 2006

Busy busy Ellie

I haven't blogged in forever and as I have a shite load of work and I'm running out of expensive belgian chocolates (fucking awesome boyfriend of mine) in order to procrastinate further I thought I'd post on my own blog instead of commenting on everyone else's…

There's lots of things on my mind at the moment:

  • degree (this is a biggie)
  • PGCE application (not doing much at the moment)
  • possibly getting a job next year
  • my grandparents being on death's door
  • Orpheus (not much to worry about but something that needs doing)
  • finding the money for tour
  • finding the money for driving lessons
  • finding the money for a car
  • finding the money for Geordie's 30th birthday present
  • finding the money for the Bulldogs tour to LA
    (noticing a theme here….?)

Ok, so the long and the short of it is at the moment I have a lot to do. The only problem is I have precisely no motivation anymore. I really hate it because when I'm inspired by something, hell, even someone I'll go to the ends of the earth and I'll do whatever's necessary and I can do so much stuff without feeling put out. (That's a terrible sentence, just ignore it) I just don't feel like the maths I'm doing at the moment with the exception of one module and the production I'm in is rapidly becoming a blight on my life. I felt really inspired at the beginning. I literally hopped, skipped and jumped into the role and into the cast but now it's all a bit shite with the exception of the cast social life, which is the best partying I've done since I got to uni.

So instead of working my arse off to get the seminar work and assignment done before next week when I have show stuff to be done I'm sat here blogging and watching deal or no deal, which, is the best show ever

Plus, I'm really worried about next year. Seriously, what the hell am I doing? I have the mental age of 12, I can't be responsible and get a job and stuff. I'm dating a guy with a kid for fucks sake. How fucking petrifying is that? I'm having one of those days where the next year is stressing me and I feel like running out of the door and down Tachbrook Road and getting a train home to my mummy and never leaving home ever ever again. I'm really happy with Geordie, don't get me wrong. (For those of you who were unaware he had a kid he has the cutest looking cheeky 4 year old son in the world with big blue eyes - so booful!) I'd like to think that next year whatever I'm doing I'll be with him, here in the midlands where I'm enjoying life and it's not too far from my beloved London. It's all a bit up in the air but people are growing up around me and it's so fucking petrifying. My mate Dan's gf is expecting at any moment, I have 2 married friends, Lorna just got a new job and all that jazz, it's all a bit frightening. The thing is, my parents got married at 22 and I always thought that by the time I was 25/26 I'd be married and with a job and thinking about kids (because I don't want to leave it quite as late as my parents) but FUCK ME - thats like 5 years away!!!! (Apologies for the multiple !'s, I know it's naff but it's entirely called for)

So yeah, does anyone by any chance have some spare Valium on them?


- One comment Not publicly viewable

  1. Hey love,

    Seriously don't fret. You're 20 (or are you 21?!) and don't need to be on a big job or anything like that just yet. Get a temping job, have some fun, go travelling, do whatever… I know it's hard not to be influenced by those around you, but just find what you WANT to do,and do it.

    Take little baby steps; it'll all work out in the end!

    xx

    18 Feb 2006, 18:47


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