June 28, 2006

What a world Im leaving…

I finally had my last shift at Asda, was weird leaving the place for the last time. Got met by well–wishers when I started and a leaving present plus got a personal invitation to a celebration dinner from the GSM, which was nice. They claim they'll miss me, and are about the only ppl who have said they'll stay in touch. Guess I did never fit into the university class of people. Tomorrow they're taking me for a celebration/leaving do, which goes to show how much I was liked in the place… even if university students never saw me in the same light. Though I can say that its reported back to me that even one of the coldest people towards me was touched by the sentiments I displayed in a best wishes kinda letter. I know I have a tendency to upset ppl, and its mainly in my inherent ability to speak the truth as I see it. It feels weird that Im going home with no plans other than building a garage and shed before refitting the roof. Its also weird that so many people who I know dont like me will be dearly missed purely down to the fact I have no way to change their opinions of me now. I put a lot of my mistakes down to outside interference and to be honest Ive always had an excuse for things, but now Im finding your actions prove a lot about who you are. Id like to think Im a good person, and my lasting guilty conscience over several things in uni kinda shows that to me, coupled with my need to prove myself to others. But proving myself is one thing, I do it by asserting my beliefs and trying to show them in a good light, I guess the big problem is I'll never change who I fundamentally am. As one lecturer said to me, "Your too hard on yourself", and I guess I am but as a stride into the big wide world, I know I am satisfied with who I am and what Ive become. I think university has made me a stronger person, and despite the moralising and condemnation of myself in places in this blog I get to the point I was trying to make in the first place.

So long everybody, best of luck in the real world, its been a blast with ups and downs, but no doubt some great years, great memories and best of all great friends to share the times with. Everyone I know will do amazingly in the professional lifestyle, hard workers one and all and though I will never say goodbye, I bid adieu to friends, associates, workmates and all Warwick people alike who have made my time here special.


June 25, 2006

Memoire d'Universaire

Ok so Ive seen a few summary type things going round on blogs, and on mates websites so that they can show off their good behaviour (or not so good) while at uni. I'd always thought that mine would be my last blog ever. And it could prove to be. So heres a run down of facts and answers which may haunt or prove issues wrong when people think of University life, as created by me (well with a few stolen questions).

1. Course and Years of Study : Classical Civ – 3
2. No of jobs @ Uni : 1– Asda and summer @Threshers
3. Craziest moment of Uni : Theres so many to mention, being kicked outta halls while a few of the girls did knitting in the living room, randomly moving in with my housemates after a convo in the laundry, almost breaking in to JM while on a boozy stumbling round campus and how we gained access to a walk round Rootes.
4. No of fights : 0 though a number of instances where I shot my mouth of resulted in me having to talk my way out of them.
5. No of time throwing up (alcohol related) : that I can remember 4 but there are probably more.
6. Most drunk in a single sitting : 5 pints, 5 double whiskeys, 2 Sambucas, 2 Corkies, 3 bottles and 1 Cheeky Vimpto (dare I say and a partridge in a pear tree?)
7. No of relationships : 1
8. No of randoms pulled : 1
9. No of pulls (person known) : 6
10. No of ppl slept with : 1 and thats not the relationship one
11. How many close friends : 3
12. Favourite night spot : Either the Tav or Bar 44, though knowing the latter was a gay bar is worrying but the piano guy is awesome!!!
13. Favourite Club : Rios, without a doubt better than Mirage, cos its got less students and more ordinary ppl, 35 y/o single mums all the way baby!!!
14. Favourite night out : I think when as a flat in first year we went to Oxygen on a Fri night, I dunno why cos my flatmates hated me in the main, but it was really relaxed and fun.
15. Houseparties attended : 8
16. Best lecturer : Stan Ireland, not only a legend but a really down to earth and nice guy, plus he's northern though he is from Yorkshire … so disappointing to know, what you reckon Sir Stanley Ireland has a ring doesnt it? Should be in the next honours list, for services to Classics and Archaeology.
17. Best Field trip related day : Last day of the Archaeology dig this year, me and Ben Meunier filled in the trench after Final Fling and I was oh so hungover, but still made it … making the rating 2/34 from the class that turned up. Stan had chicken legs and Carling for the work force, boy did we feast.
18. Best moment of Uni : The bouncy castle party on 15th Oct at 22 Queensway, Hannah bounced into a bush after seeing my antics.
19. Worst Moment : Last day of December 2005, leading into 1st of Jan, see question 6 for my excuse but nothing other than stupity and idiocy can explain my actions.

and finally,
20. What will you take from the experience : I think that my giving up anythin illegal has changed me for the better, though some might disagree, Im much more laid back and less aggressive nowadays, but I let things slide too easily and I wish I didnt. If I take anything from University it will be that sincerity and honesty doesnt pay in the real world and my only hope is to be who I am and hope to find likeminded people to share the best times with.

And so concludes my University career and, unless somethin major occurs, my blogging pretensiousness. Wishing all who read this the best of luck in the real world and all the happiness that could be given to them


June 23, 2006

The End is nigh

Today was awesome, the careers service proving useful in the extreme, giving me tips on how to decide what Im gonna do next. Ok so the advisor probably didnt think much of me, turning up hung over and with a close–to–being broken nose (thanks to Mark and a bouncy castle). But it went well, good tips all round.

Called into work to cover illness and just about managed to sort the department into a reasonable order again. Which was good seeing as we have been 2 men down all week.

Then on to mirage. A few drinks in the J&J and then the avenue whilst having the added distractions of football and Deal or no Deal gambler was fun to the max. It was a house activity, but we still only won £2 so that went into the jukebox. Having a final night in mirage, being too hot and overcrowded was not the highlight. My whole night was in fact centred around one plan, to see the one person at uni that made it all worth while, but she wasnt there, so left early. Of all the people Ive met, there is one who I would class as ultimately special and worthy of my normal "Id die for her mentality". Just a shame all good things come to an end. But no reconciliation factor or divine intervention can save me from the ignomany of my own stupidity. What is done is done and thats it. The end of Uni, the end of an era, the end of the Student lifestyle and most importantly the end of the possibility to change what in my eyes is the greatest mistake Ive ever made.


June 10, 2006

"She turned away…

…wat was she looking at?" STP– a quality song on a romantic relation turned bad. Ah well, none of that lately really but im loving the song. Finally got paid, and the same day sorted out my monkey suit for the FF, not sure whether to sqwark like Pingu or to order a vodka martini (shaken not stirred). I hate suits, or more precisely I hate suits when Im in them. Not that I find the suit brigade annoying, I only bring the suit fact up if they annoy me, but really it was encapsulated by a comment by my dear friend chris while trying on the suit, "Dude, I never thought I see you in a suit." Yes and barring FF and my funeral hopefully nobody ever will again. FF scares me, I dont like large numbers of people and Im not alltogether happy bout wearing a suit, though possibly better than the kilt and crail jacket idea.

This is more drunken ramblings from a previously reformed character. obviously with England on a 2, the idea of goin to the pub for 12 was a good choice, decent seats etc. But the fact we had 2 pints and 2 bottles …. before kick off didnt much help. On reaching the end of uni Ive been in reflection mode. When you achieve as little as I do, its quickly apparent that it was a pointless exercise in jumping through hoops. Things as normal went wrong and who knew Id be in the state Im in now, coming into the final two weeks of uni… well I predicted it. Anyone close before uni would see it coming and anyone who knew me at uni is sure to see I have a self destruct mechanism. Well …. BOOM!!!! end of, game over, finito.

Anyone who is curious on the intro, and the song that its from, heres more…. n those not interested? tough I wanna write more lyrics neway!!!

"She was a sour girl that she met me, hey what are you looking at, she was a half the girl the day that she left me ….. she was a happy girl when she left me…." – I agree fully, Stone Temple Pilots, legends!!!


June 08, 2006

Had a nice day….

For those observant and faithful Bon Jovi fans you may see something in this title. Yes Jon was in Coventry tonight and yes we was there. I got voted as driver, replacing Tom as he still wasnt feeling too clever after sugar. I found out early on that the support happened to be a certain Chad Kroeger and band, Nickleback … or somethin like that :p They were awesome but cometh the hour cometh the man, the stadium tour for the Have a Nice day album by Bon Jovi. Words dont describe, for a commercial superstar he is still as great to his fans as he was back in the day. Loved every minute. Well impressed by the new stuff as well as having a great time with the old classics, one hell of a gig. Its one of lifes necessities to see Bon Jovi in concert and its well worth it. Even suffering from acute hayfever and apparently drugged up with some anti–hystomenes the guy still rocked the joint and the legends that are Mr Sambora and Tito are still kicking many an a$$ at his side. Plus the Ricoh arena is quite impressive but there is no doubt that JBJ is a new type of messiah figure, not literally but Im still in awe, what a voice, what a talent, and what loyalty to a fan base which includes fun for the whole family, 11/10.

"... n I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back, Im playing for keeps cos I might not make it back.


June 03, 2006

Two outta three aint bad

As with most things, nothing ever is perfect. You lose things when you dont expect, you find others outta nowhere. I had my first 2 exams today outta the 3 that complete my degree, one being good and the other being mediocre. Maybe its just the way today has gone and the conversations that Ive had, but it seems like nothing really matters in terms of grades and exams, Ive done my best and no need to worry. Im finding that the more important things are my friends and how they are feeling about things. Its like a total U–turn in that I can no longer see myself as the main priority due to the fact Im so comfortable with failure. Ive determined what matters most to me, but that isnt necessarily what it should be, and in the main it certainly is what it cannot be. I know that whatever the degree I come out with I wont have truly made university worth while because it has had so many effects on my life that have been not necessary and could be considered as untoward. I hate myself for becoming what I always hated in other people. So I am boring and I am verging on academic, but does that make me a bad person? I wish more than anything that I could turn back the clock to a period which would allow me to make changes in my life and make me a person worth knowing again, even to the start of this year would be useful cos Ive upset so many people who were close friends at the beginning and now I dont know whether I even deserve them to be even at that level.

May 28, 2006

Impressions of Uni Life….

Why is it that seemingly the blatent theory of uni students is that they all get drunk, get into drugs and have an outstanding relationship with one night stands?

The getting drunk thing is easily answered. From turning 18, in most cases the year before Uni, there is a tendency to feel that one has to prove to peers that you can drink like a fish. Thus ending in lying in bushes outside rootes, or staggering home from the union to far flung westwood in an attempt to see that room that in reality you only left an hour ago… but due to several sambucas and a few pints for good measure is now calling, cutting an evening short. Boy do you feel special then?

The drugs again is fairly obvious, due to the new found wealth which comes to the fore in uni life, people for different walks adds to the general prospects for the ability to experiment. And I guess these two are both linked to my third point of an escape to the one night stand if you can walk as far as his/her room. What happens after? you see them in the union maybe once or twice, and get blanked so wheres the fun gone?

My point is that with the advent of a new year, we see more freshers looking for a party, and while stalwart finalists seem a distant memory the debauchary goes on. I feel sorry for the new freshers every year that Ive not been one. (ok only two years, but still there is a lesson here somewhere) We all feel relieved to leave family in some way, to gain that touch of independance we so desired. But at the end of it all what have we learned? Ive learned that Im turning out more like my dad everyday. Alcohol is a feasible solution to my troubles, smoking helps pass time and I have a contempt for most women that have past through my life. though I clarify the last sentiment with the fact it is out of due neglegence and stupity that this has come to fruition.

Ive had nights at uni when Im so drunk I cant remember, and I dont like drinking as much now, unless I need an escape. Drugs have been a part of my life since GCSEs and now Uni has shown me that I dont really need them. While the one night stand I had, although lovely and being one of those things I wouldnt change, has made me realise any more would be silly and I dont want to be in that sort of thing again, I may not seem it but I am a more romantic and caring person than given credit…. I dont need the easy release, Im in for the long haul, if Im in at all. From Uni the main thing that Ive learnt is that I hate the stereotypes, I hate the person I was when I arrived, but Im a lot more comfortable with who I am now. Maybe that is why the stereotyped student is important, it gives people something to expect and if anything learn from and get away from if, in my view, they are wise.


May 24, 2006

And now for something completely familiar….

Surprisingly managed to copius amounts of revision this morning. But the only reason I went to campus was to see an old flatmate after her exams. Thats when it suddenly hit me. After spending so much time with her and her mates, who I previously recognised as mine too, I felt somehow uneasy. There was the aspect of the most expensive habit known to man being only a few yards away; the whole era of my life I tried to forget; and the agony of walking away. But it occurred to me the reason I am who I am now, is due to abstinence. Im now a social reject from this group cos Im not involved with the scene anymore, and Im a social reject from the "norm" cos I never was part of it, nor do I have the desire to conform. Warwick has the most polarised society I have ever known. If your in the right places you get to know the underground people and your remain with that, but there is also the other side that your never truly accepted by the many religious types who seem to frequent areas of campus. Im starting to feel that everything good that has happened to me during uni has been messed up by my own inability to mould. Call it a learning curve, one that will make you a better person. Hell the affects of abstinence are there, but all the same… Im just boring and a has–been who never really gains the faith. Ive messed up my whole university career and lets be honest I wish I never came. Ive not lost my trademark passion or heart–on–sleeve mentality, its just I now keep quiet on all issues. At uni I found myself speaking only when spoken to, and at home Ive started to be like that too. My only problem now is I cant deal with myself. I havent felt this way in so long I dont know what to do, Ive broken out the booze and I feel that maybe of aggression therapy being induced may help but nothing to punch anymore, the house is so shoddy Id put a fist through most things. I just wanna get out, University is like a prison and my life sentance which it has become has no bounds, it will continue on the outside.

"Sick of this life,

not that you care,

Im not the only one with who these feelings I share,

Nobody understands what while we're here,

Searching for answers that never appear.


May 23, 2006

Women's underwear …. why me?

Ok it maybe tuesday, but this occurred to me at work (Asda) on Sunday…. Im slow, ok!!! It seems certain things seem to be left on my department (booze) depending on the day. The funniest and possibly most unholy item you can think of for the sabbath seems to turn up every week, and that is the bra and panties set!!!! Women's lingerie scares me, well when it is not worn by a woman, for one main reason. Come sunday, come the invasion on booze of items of womans wear that you really dont want to have to take back to the correct department. Im on my own on Sundays, perhaps the second busiest day of the week so lots of people around, and how is my day ruined every week? By the appearance of something a red–blooded–early–twentys–year–old male doesnt want to be carrying round a packed supermarket. Picture the scene…. me walking all the way to the other end of the store carrying a bra (38 D… if your interested :p) back to the george desk, through reams of customers giving me funny looks, and when getting there, there just so happened to be 5 collegues (all women) waiting for the jokes to crack at me. "Doesnt seem to be your size!", "Not really your colour", "Id like to see you get in that", and "The changing rooms are over there…" Now this seems bad enough but considering the age band of those working there…. one 19yo and the rest over 40, it was a little uncomfortable, the situation not the bra :S ….. all I can say is what is it with women leaving things like that lying round. Its like they see a young guy and think "I know how we can annoy the hell outta him…" The worst comments came when I was leaving, im sure that the cartoon was called Betty Boop (the character on the afore mentioned item), but one of the 40–somethings insisted it was Betty BOOB!!!! Come on now ladies, try to embarrass me some more!!! I know how Joseph felt being thrown to the lions, at least they refused to eat him. I was chowed up and spat back out. Although I am much more confident nowadays there was still that underlying cringe factor at these events, and Roz's classic response as I walked back to down the store, "What was it this week, Bra or Knickers?" …. somehow I couldnt help but smile but in a kinda disturbed and shocked sense, if I was innocent… that would be my innocence lost right there!!! :p

May 19, 2006

Remember your a womble…

Ah with every passing day it gets closer to exams, and the question of jobs comes up. I can never see where Im going, til I get there then I dont wanna be there anymore. But been thinking there is always the potential to be a rubbish collector, though I cant see myself being like the amiable hairy guys from Wimbledon Common. I got the big nose if that helps, but no uncle Bulgaria in sight, so even on that score I fail.

Revision is seemingly taking over the time that Im not drinking to excess, or sleeping. Been out 3 times this week with the Asda lads. Cracking Euro Cup final, all the more exciting added to events of later on that night. Those boys can really drink so it was amusing keeping up and still being the more sober. Also, Ste threw up for the first time in his life from alcohol related intake. Then proceeded to punch me…. perhaps the most amusing thing was walking home with Big T (aptly named as he's bout 18 stone), supporting him was a task in itself. But I got my own back when I floored him whilst getting him in a headlock. The fact me and DP were the soberist and last men standing by the time we reached Zachariah's was the funniest thing ever, with both of us put together just about weighing in at the same as T on his own. Laughable, but disturbing that the heavyweight drinkers got knocked out first.

Oh and then there was the Leamington FC vs Barwell Cup Final. Interesting to watch a grass roots game again. Amusing chants going on, mainly aimed directly at the Barwell fans/players …. "Your just a bus stop in Hinkley" and "He's fat, He's Bent, His house is up for rent … Number Nine…" to name just two. Shame bout the score, but the Brakes were robbed … afore mentioned number nine getting awarded a 9.8 for his acrobatic swan dive from the Ref, from Hinkley, if you follow the connection. 3–1 was disappointing but reasonable even if Leam did start to come back into it and couldve done more.

One of these days Ill finish reading Apuleius but til that day I struggle on and live in the vain hope I may grow hair all over and become lovable, so that the option of working for the Wombles comes to fruition.


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