Abandoned at birth by his parents, Alasdair and Dorothy, Dan was raised by wolves until at the age of six he ran off to join the circus. After a year, frustrated by the union-ringmaster relations and after a major falling out with the rest of his trapeze act he stormed out, and embarked on a journey to see the world as a stowaway on the SS Titanic…
Within weeks, Dan had found his true calling, smuggling heroin in and around South East Asia. His living of The Dream™ was cruelly cut short in a chance encounter with the cops. Too young to face the death penalty, he was put in the workhouse. Although the songs certainly made the life bearable, the gruel was not ample nourishment; Dan’s scant respect for authority led him to ask for more and he was duly transferred to Shawshank State Penitentiary. Here he got by working in the library and eventually passed enough A-Levels to merit an offer to study Politics at Warwick University.
After escaping through a tunnel hidden behind a Raquel Welch poster in his cell, he hitchhiked to Warwick to be told that the university was ten miles away. Eventually he arrived and completed his degree. He wandered aimlessly for months until he landed a job with the Rural Payments Agency, where he works to this day.
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