All 1 entries tagged Musings On My Life

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March 14, 2005

An enthusiasm vacuum

Well hooray, I made it back to Somerset. Another far-too-long term has drawn to a close, I somehow made all my deadlines (although quality of work has probably taken yet another turn for the worse, many more turns for the worse on this front and I'll be staring at a degree without honours), and I'm now back in the comfort of my home. I've seen most of the family, spent a while telling my life saga to my dog, chilled out on the PS2 etc, given my car a much-needed spruce up (more yet to be done though) and unleashed destructive wrath on trees with a worryingly sharp chainsaw (I have nothing better to do with my time). And tonight I went to a lecture given by my old Physics teacher, which was really cool as I got to chat to him (haven't seen the guy in aaaages) and had a nice drive home to the soothing sounds of Coldplay. All of which is fab. Except that it isn't.

Despite all these reasons for me to rejoyce and be happy and cheery (and I have plenty more besides, like visiting Lindsey in 5 days, which I'm really looking forward to), I feel totally melancholic. I don't know why exactly. Yes, so family for all their plusses can be a bit of a drag sometimes, but for Christ's sake I've only been here 24 hours, they can't have irritated me that much already. I have a mountain of things to do, like fix irritating computers and stuff, but nothing totally horrendous. And most of my chores (like the tonnes of firewood I have to chop) I really enjoy. Yet I just ran out of energy even with my chainsaw earlier today. I just got to the point where after half an hour I couldn't be arsed anymore. I wasn't that tired, it wasn't that nasty out, although there was a bit of a biting wind, but I just got to the point where I had to go indoors again from a total enthusiasm collapse. And if this is how I am with my chores that I like, what is it going to be like when I get back from Canada and need to get stuck into my third year project, which I am now seriously dreading? Blargh. I know that I have nothing I should feel this way for, and I still look around tonight and I see so many things that make me want to smile and tears well up cos I'm so happy that my life is like it is and it has all my totally amazing friends and family and things, but on the surface there's just nothing. Nothing at all. An enthusiasm vacuum.


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