All entries for Tuesday 12 October 2004

Today's guest blogger: Al Pacino

"FOCK!!! You fockin' motherfocker! Whooodafock gave you the balls to come investigate my journal? Huh?! You fockin' paaaansy-aaass, lily-livered, no-good sunnovabitch! Whoever TOLD you you could work with MEN?! Ohhh, I'm gonna have your job, asshole. Thasright. I'm gonna go downtown, I'm going to MITCH & MURRAY! I am going – TO LEMPKIN! I don't care WHOSE nephew y'are, WHOSE dick you're suckin' on, you are OUTTAHERE, PAL!!!

Hoooooooh-hah!"

: 12 Oct 2004 12:29 |  Tags: Inane Drivel |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Battle of the Rock Megahunks

So having received a merciless spanking from a feminist friend of mine for having paraded two hot women on the web in a scurrilous game of 'either/or', I decided to even up the balance by doing exactly the same for two equally scorching and nubile young gentlemen.

Now obviously in the last post I revealed my intention to marry either Ms Connelly or Love Hewitt sometime before the end of my life (or at least the cessation of my virility somewhere in my mid-40s), but to be quite honest with you, either of these two pretty boys could easily turn a straight man gay and I'd be quite happy to end up with either of them. And so I hereby proudly present to you now: BATTLE OF THE ROCK MEGAHUNKS.

The question, then, is again a simple one: who'd you rather – former Lemonheads frontman Evan Dando or Bush mainman Gavin Rossdale?

Yeah, I know what you're thinking – "It's Dando all the way, mate. Who else could make grown men swoon simply by letting fly with that butter-wouldn't-melt voice of his?". Admittedly it's a solid point, and under normal circumstances the boy would probably have it sewn up. But think about this for a moment: what about Gavin Rossdale?

Frankly, this preening rock ubermensch could reduce the polar ice caps to a mound of slush with one stare from his earnest chestnut eyes, and that's even before we get onto the involuntary sex-grunts which pepper much of Bush's output (see the opening lines of 'Jesus Online' for pant-wetting proof). This pouting man-beast knows a fair few bits & bobs about "the science of things", and make no mistake, despite his poncey hair of late, you certainly wouldn't want to come back down from this cloud.

But then again, that all said – what about Evan Dando?

It may have been a bit of a shame about Ray, but you certainly wouldn't need much of an invitation to "come on feel" this Lemonhead. For the hard-on inducing pop perfection of 'If I Could Talk I'd Tell You' alone, this man deserves a right seeing-to, and I for one would be first in line should he decide to jump off the wagon and go back to his formerly wild ways. The choice, as they say, is yours!

[nb. For those of you who prefer your rock hunks a little more unconventional, here is a picture of Chad Kroeger ].

: 12 Oct 2004 11:43 |  Tags: Inane Drivel |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem