Yet Another
i dunno…
Pandora (A Poem for Doubt)
I once owned
this lady’s box
not knowing
what was inside
And i thought
I'd never know
until the
time i tried.
I won't waste
my breath
explaining what
you would
all endure,
on opening
that tender lid
and taking
what’s in store
For when I did,
I wished I’d not
and cried
for many nights,
Getting up
To face
the day
became a
constant fight.
I’m glad to say
that’s over now
and I walk
where I please.
I gained strength
from that
pale box
and its
strange disease.
Now I'm not sure
if i should cry
or smile
or scream
or laugh
for once again
I’ve found myself
flirting
down its path.
Now I know
just what it is
it’s hard to
stay away.
But if i do
i'll never tell,
for i will
be betrayed.
23 Dec 2005 22:25
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Tags: Poetry
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Comments (5)
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Unfortunately, couldn't read this poem without remembering that line from Notting Hill.
Spike: "I knew a lovely girl called Pandora once. Never got to see her box, though…
24 Dec 2005, 14:42
Seriously though, theres some good stuff in here. There are a few times when you are telling the reader what to think, especially in the second paragraph. Being a stubborn independent, like Mal Reynolds, this irks me.
Try cutting/reworking "torment" and "tender" lid. Try letting the audience figure out how they should react/ you reacted to thre box. Make em feel clever.
24 Dec 2005, 14:46
decided i liked tender – i think thats suggestive without explaining when taking out 'torment' and painful elsewhere.
24 Dec 2005, 15:10
That's really good. I have no criticism to make…
24 Dec 2005, 15:29
result
24 Dec 2005, 15:36
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