I'm seriously going to be handing this in tomorrow. I can't tell if I'm really sad or if I watched too much Blaxploitation over the weekend. Anyway...here is my badass hard-boiled fairytale hybrid.
A different kind of fairytale
He found the corpse at the foot of the biggest tree in all of Roseynose Forest. An eagle swooped down for a loose bow-tie. Benny the bunny rabbit had never seen a human being alive. Leaves rustled. He saw Beatrice the bunny rabbit staring from an old stump. Benny sighed and approached her. The eagle returned for the eyes.
“Benny, don’t tell me –“
“It’s not what you think, Bea. I found the stiff. He looks fresh.”
“I just don’t get it, Benny. That’s the third this month! That makes six!”
“Some serious shit is going down, Bea. I’m gonna find out what it is.”
Together, they bounced back to their home grove. Benny couldn’t sleep that night. His face half-hidden in the darkness of the night, he looked out across Roseynose. It had been his home for the longest time. If any more humans died here, he knew what would happen. The next morning, the animals of Roseynose gathered. Old Winston the stag spoke.
“Friends, there is evil among us. Another human body was found under the biggest tree last night. It has always been our wish to avoid human contact for as long as possible, but it looks as if our time is running out. They will come in their hordes and they will tear Roseynose apart unless we find the one responsible. Until further notice, no one is to leave the grove.” With that, Winston headed back to his quarters.
Benny hardly listened. His attention had been captured by another. Wilhelm the badger, a known hood in the grove, had a familiar look in his eye. When all the animals had left, Benny caught up with him.
“What’s the matter, Willy? Something on your mind?”
“Not me, brother. I’m as fine as fine. Fine as fine as fine, you know me, brother.”
“Cut the shit, Willy. I think you know something about the stiff. And the stiffs from before.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, really? Tell me Willy, why is your harvest is so bountiful for this time of year? You been making any more deals in the other groves? Or maybe I should ask Winston? Or maybe I should just cut you till you bleed berries, you get me?”
“Oh, I get you, brother. But my harvest is no concern of yours. You should be thinking about your own supplies. Especially when you have such a lovely lady-bunny to care for these days. How is Bea?”
“Shut your goddamn mouth, Willy! I know you’re up to something...and I want in.”
“Well, look at this! One last hurrah for my old pal Benny, huh? Ok, I’ll let you in on it, brother. Since you’re an old friend. Grizzly Nixus from Lilyfeather Forest. He has developed a taste for the human flesh. Who can blame the guy? However, he isn’t the most skilled of hunters and humans usually aren’t dumb enough to walk right through a forest at night. Given that I’m such an adorable badger, I go out into the open and play a little game of cutesy-chase with a gullible passer-by. Before you know it, I’ve lured ‘em right on in. Then Nixus can make his kill. Backs are scratched. Needs are met. But you? Well, we could use you. Human sure love fuzzy-wuzzy-wabbits.”
“Is that right?”
“Come with me tonight. I’m meeting Nixus to discuss new plans and I think he’ll be very pleased to see you.”
When the moon had risen to its peak, Wilhelm and Benny set out to meet Grizzly Nixus on the Roseynose-Lilyfeather border. It’s a clearing that most animals wouldn’t dare enter. Nixus came towards them like a great, black phantom.
“Wilhelm. I thought we had an understanding.” Nixus picks Wilhelm up by his small, furry head. “This deal is strictly between you and me.”
“Yes Mr Grizzly Nixus Sir, but you see, Benny here…well as you can see…he’s a bunny rabbit. And with him joining our team, we could lure two, maybe even three humans at a time. Ya see?”
“I don’t see. For all we know, Benny is gonna hop right on back to your grove and tattle. We can’t have that. But he already knows too much. It’s a shame.”
With that, Nixus threw Wilhelm to the ground and looked at Benny. In a clearing of this size, he was helpless. As the great shadow began to move over him, he thought of his home, he thought of his entire life, he thought of Bea. Nixus’ great jaws opened and Benny stared into the abyss. Wilhelm covered his eyes. He waited for the sound of a snap, or crunching or just one, big swallow. Instead he heard choking, gasping and what sounded like a tree falling. When he looked up, he saw Benny. Benny was standing next to Nixus’ body, his paws lost in the endless flow of blood. He held his bloody knife aloft.
“I’m disappointed, Willy.”
Wilhelm was thunderstruck, “W-Why’s that Benny….B-Benny old pal?”
“This motherfucker didn’t bleed no berries. Let’s see if you do.”
Benny twitched his nose and Wilhelm fled in the opposite direction. It took Benny three hours to sever and drag Grizzly Nixus’ boulder-like head back to the grove. He received a hero’s welcome. Wilhelm was never seen again.