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Writing about web page http://www.alastairsmith.me.uk/

My blog is moving away from Warwick.  If you're interested in staying with me, you can find me at http://www.alastairsmith.me.uk/.  It may take a little bit of time for the DNS update to go through, so the link may not work for you just yet.  Be patient :)

Alastair Smith : 24 Jun 2008 20:41 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Fog!

For the last two days, I've not been able to see Morrison's for the particularly dense fog.  Hold on, I'm saying that like that's a bad thing...  Woo-hoo!!! I haven't been able to see Morrison's for two days!!!

Additionally, the weather forecast is telling me that it's currently -4°C outside.  I'm not sure I completely believe it, as it is the forecast for Cambridge.  Worryingly, as Cambourne is in the middle of nowhere, it is usually colder here than it is in Cambridge.  There is, at least, no wind, and all the trees and things have a beautiful layer of frost on them which, if there were any sun and no fog, would be glittering beautifully. 

Alastair Smith : 20 Dec 2007 08:38 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

In other news…

...I am now officially down to a 32" waist again, and have been for a couple of weeks now.  Woohoo!  My hard work at the gym (that has admittedly fallen by the wayside a little bit recently) has paid off! 

Also, Gethin and Camilla were robbed.  I need to go and watch Saturday's show, because apparently Matt and Flavia danced very well (it's good that Matt finally got a hold on his nerves after last week's abysmal performance), but I think Gethin deserved it more; he's come so far in the last couple of weeks, and he totally deserved a place in the final.  I was looking forward to a showdown between him and Alesha.  It was a shame that Kelly Brook dropped out a couple of weeks ago, too, on a number of levels ;)  She had a similar amount of raw talent as Alesha and it would have been a very interesting final had it been down to the two of them.  

Apparently Rhydian was robbed too.  I care less about this, having only seen two shows of The X Factor ever (both this series, coincidentally), and not really being a fan of ITV television generally.  Two interesting points to note having watched the final with Lorna on Saturday, though:

1. Pairing Rhydian with Catherine Jenkins possibly swung the competition somewhat.  He really showed her up for the beautiful but talentless <insert your choice of word here> she is, and her mic was too loud in comparison with his.  Mind you, her mic will always be too loud for me.  I felt dirty having had my ears sullied by her voice.
2. Leon's face after his duet with Kylie was an absolute picture.  He was a bit starstruck, but by the time he left the stage you could clearly see the dirty thoughts of threesomes with the Minogue sisters running through his mind.  They were coming on to him quite a bit (particularly Dannii), it was rather amusing!

Alastair Smith : 17 Dec 2007 10:56 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

A truly lovely weekend

So, I was a little apprehensive about going back to Leamington this weekend, but I am now so glad that I did. 

On Saturday, Sarah hosted a wine and cheese night at Russell Court.  This was part of the source of my apprehension; I hadn't been back to Leamington, let alone Russell Court, since Zoë broke up with me, and I was concerned about how well I was going to take it.  Most of Saturday was a slight downer given a number of factors including the cold and the slight rain, not being able to buy new shoes, and a crap morning involving an alarm that should have been turned off the night before and not being able to get back to sleep again.  I also developed a bit of a headache Saturday afternoon, partly due to dehydration, and possibly partly due to my scarf being tied too tight around my neck (!), so all in all I wasn't feeling 100% up for the event.  But having a chat with Sarah before it started really sorted my head out (I've come to this conclusion before: I really need to learn to pick up the fucking phone when my head gets there, because talking always sorts it out now), and by the time people started arriving sometime after 7.30, I was really excited to be seeing everyone again and well up for the night's events.  

In addition to the wine and cheese, we indulged in some YouTube-based mirth, including the fantastic Armstrong and Miller sketches of the WWII RAF Airmen (you really have to watch these if you haven't already!), a piss-take of Pachelbel's Canon, and the very funny Harry Potter Puppets (the second clip is better than the first...).  It was so good to see my friends again, and it really surprised and touched me how sympathetic everyone was, and the level of concern they expressed.  I guess I'd never realised the true value of the friendships that I have with these people, nor how much of an impact I make with the people that I meet.  The event alone provided self-validation in truckloads, realising that, unlike previous relationships, I actually have my own relationships with this shared group of friends, and they appreciate and value me in and of myself, rather than seeing me as the appendage of their friend, which is how previous friendships have felt at times.

As good as the wine and cheese night was, though (and it was fucking awesome, just so you know ;), the icing on the cake of the weekend was having lunch with Zoë on Sunday.  We went for a meal at Strada just off the Parade in Leamington, "our place" for eating out, and it was in so many ways just like old times.  Certainly, it was everything I'd hoped it would be, and it has left me feeling that my friendship with Zoë is actually going somewhere and, more to the point, going somewhere good; something that I wasn't at all sure of previously.  For me, the most telling moment was as I was leaving this evening: Zoë lingered at the door of her flat watching me leave.  Obviously, I don't claim to know what was going through her mind at the time at all, but my interpretation is that it was disbelief at what she was seeing. 

So this will be my mantra from now on for any day when I'm feeling even slightly down: I am a fucking good person, and for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm pretty fucking happy, too.  I am infinitely stronger and more confident than I was, and I now know how to carry myself. 

As I left Russell, Lorna asked me if I was all right.  I nearly burst in to tears at this point, and a number of other times over the next half hour or so, because the answer was purely and simply "yes".  I've said it before and I'll say it again - just as you think you're done crying, something new comes along.  But this time, it was tears of happiness and relief, and not tears of pain and hurt, that were welling up.  I'm mended; fixed; repaired.  I'm me again, and I have a fantastic bunch of friends who will love and support me no matter what.  And the most special person in the world most definitely falls into that category too.  

Watch out, world; here I come! :-D

Alastair Smith : 12 Nov 2007 00:20 |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

A good night out

Just got back from the pub quiz at the Monkfield Arms in Cambourne with a few colleagues from work.  We had a good night - we came joint second in the first round (earning us £8 of drinks vouchers for next time) and first in the second round (earning us the pot to split between us)!

With a stonking 16/20 correct answers in the second round, we wiped the floor with everyone else, and netted a tenner each.  Subtracting the £1.20 I paid to enter the quiz, I made a cool £8.80 tonight :)

Additionally, after two pints of well-tended Pedigree (the Monkfield Arms is a Marston's pub, after all) on nothing more than a not-quite-ripe apple, I'm a little tipsy :)  I can't remember the last time I felt this good!

Slightly negatively, though, realising how much tonight has taken my mind off things, and how quickly tonight has flown by, makes me remember what it is that my mind has been diverted from.  That's putting a small dampener on things, but I'm on a bit of an alcohol-fuelled high at the moment, so I should be ok until tomorrow morning at the earliest.  

The weekend's been a tough one, and it always seems that just when I'm done crying there's a fresh burst of grief waiting for me around the corner.  The suddenness of everything hit me hard this weekend, and I had another long cry this afternoon.  I also said something particularly nasty to my Mum that I completely regret, and that I wish I could take back, and I can't believe she's being so understanding about the whole thing.   I'm really starting to understand how lucky I am to have parents as loving and supportive of me as they are, and I couldn't be getting through this without them.  

I also need to thank my friends, five in particular and I hope you know who you are, for all the support they have given me; a couple of them have been so amazingly supportive and caring at a time when I was feeling so lost and alone, and I'm so utterly grateful to you all for everything.  If you're noticing that I haven't been in touch recently and are missing me, I apologise greatly; there are a few things I need to sort out myself, and they are requiring me to put a little bit of distance between me and you, but I promise this is only temporary.  

Additionally, I'm constantly battling with myself to keep the emotional distance between myself and Zoë.  I know I need to keep this distance for the foreseeable future, but there's so much exciting stuff to share with her, and so much that I want to say, that's it's proving very difficult to keep a lid on it.  I'm sharing it with other people, but not having her in my life at all is proving very difficult.  I know what I want to say won't change anything in terms of the situations that we are now in, but I do hope that it will smooth over some of the crevasses that have appeared in the last few weeks.  I'm just not ready to tackle that, though, and I don't yet know when I will be; to get back in touch now, however much I want to, would only open myself up to a new world of pain and I can't do that until the pain will be numbed by time and distance and all those other things that people keep telling me about.  

The whole thing is made harder by the fact that the person that I love is gone, maybe permanently, maybe temporarily.  Zoë is no longer the person that I fell in love with; she has changed so much in the last two months, more than I thought possible, and it is painfully apparent to me that the person that she is now doesn't want me, and, to some extent, the "old" Zoë doesn't want me anymore either.  The photos of her that I see of Zoë shows her looking the same on the outside — obviously — and I remember the Zoë that I love and all the happy memories, pain and grief that goes with the fact that I'm no longer with her, and no longer able to be with her.  What I struggle with is keeping sight of the fact that I don't love the new Zoë, and this is because there's too much that reminds me of the old Zoë.  I'm struggling to live and cope with the fact that she's so different now, and every so often, like this afternoon, it hits me in a new wave of grief and pain and I burst into tears afresh.

All in all, though, I am right now feeling the best I have done in weeks, and I can only hope this will spill over into the new week.   The likelihood of me waking up feeling shit again tomorrow is greatly reduced, I hope, and I've got some good ideas to mention to my manager at our one-on-one tomorrow :)

There will be some form of further update at some point in the future.  With my life in flux quite so much at the moment, it won't be as soon as I might like, but I promise you, dear reader, that there will be a new post.  

Alastair Smith : 30 Sep 2007 23:07 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Time heals all

Greenday - Time of Your Life

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life. 

Alastair Smith : 29 Sep 2007 13:13 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Sofa, So Good

I've been in Southampton since last Monday to clear out my room here, and things are going quite well.  I finally purchased a rather nice sofa from DFS (the Vetta sofa, three seater, no reclining action) in a warmer shade of beige than pictured, and provided the credit check goes through ok (always a worry for new graduates...) I should get it interest free for three years, too, with nothing to pay until this time next year.  Bargain.  

In the meantime, I've been looking at rugs (to go under my coffee table), bean bags (to sit on for the next two to three months whilst I wait for my sofa to be delivered) and cushions (to go on my sofa and match my rug).  I've done quite well, and I am still haemorrhaging money.  Oh well, the sofa's on credit.  I hope. 

Clearing out my room has been a good experience; I have a lot of junk that is just going, thank god, but there's still some stuff that's coming with me to Cambridge - CDs, books, Mum's old food processor...

Which, of course, is the other benefit of having come home.  My parents seem to like spending money on me (they obviously haven't yet kicked the habit of "looking after me" whilst I was a student), which is nice and always appreciated, and so I've ended up with a set of rather nice chopping boards, a set of rather nice Kitchen Devils knives (complete with storage block), a knife sharpener and a potato peeler.  And my Mum's old food processor. 

I also went through my tax return with Dad, and I have implemented a new filing system.  The anal, organised part of my brain is happy.   

I'm off back to Cambridge on Thursday with all my stuff, so I'm sort of killing time now, binning junk, blogging and doing the times2 puzzles.  9 across, "Betrayal of one's country (7)": "traitor". Erm... no. That's someone who betrays their country; treachery is the act of betraying one's country. But that's 9 letters.  Flipping tabloid. I might actually be able to finish this one, if the rubbish clues don't hinder me too much. 

Catch you later, alligator.

Alastair Smith : 28 Aug 2007 16:56 |  Comments (2) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

Quite a weekend…

This weekend's been eventful, in a number of ways.  First and foremost, it was a lovely weekend with Zoë, staying in my flat in Cambridge (photos of the flat hopefully will follow soon). 

I almost bought a sofa.  I'd even chosen the colour and everything (blue leather).  It just didn't feel right handing over that much money to DFS, so I bottled out.  We spent the rest of Saturday looking at sofas in Cambridge and online; unless you go to DFS, though, they seem to cost an arm and a leg...

Additionally, my parents ran my desk up from Southampton on their way to visit friends in Ipswich.  The lounge is now more comfortable given that my computer is no longer resident on the same surface as I eat on, but there's a comparable amount of extra crap left over from assembling the desk and the recently-purchased coffee table.  Assembling these took Sunday afternoon and evening, so I'm only really sitting down to grab a breather now...

I'm off home to Southampton now (well, tomorrow lunchtime) for a couple of weeks to clear out my room there and collect the last of the random crap that I've assembled over the last 23 years before starting work at Citrix at the beginning of September.  

And so, to bed. zzzzzzzzz 

Alastair Smith : 19 Aug 2007 22:31 |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

I've done something amazing…

...I've given blood.  For the first time in four years, which completely coincidentally coincides with my starting university...

Go do something amazing - give blood too.  You can book an appointment online (and enrol if you're a new donor) which will save you time queueing.  

That is all. 

Alastair Smith : 17 Aug 2007 17:00 |  Comments (0) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

A welcome return to the blogosphere

Well, it's been a while since I last blogged; a little under a year, in fact!  The halt was due to work and extra-curricular commitments, and the fact that Facebook seems to have killed the blog.  Although, I'm still not signed up, and possibly the only person not to be...

Unsurprisingly, a lot has changed since I last blogged.  My final year was a busy one: I produced Trial with WSO, performed in The Merry Widow a few months later and sat on WSO's Exec, continued to play with the UWSO, and somehow managed to fit in my most academically successful year at Warwick yet.

By Christmas, I had also managed to secure myself a job with Citrix, where I worked last summer.  I was also invited to their Christmas party in Cambridge, which Zoë and I had great fun at.  I start in about three weeks, on 3 September, at an office outside Cambridge in a new town called Cambourne.  

Accordingly, I have had to find myself somewhere to live in the Cambridge area.  Focussing primarily on Cambourne, I found an unfurnished two-bedroom flat with a decent-sized kitchen and lounge, and have been living there since the beginning of August.  I've therefore been ordering and taking delivery of many items of furniture, perhaps most excitingly my wonderfully conformatble king size bed :D

The mess in the lounge at the moment is getting to me a bit, but without all the furniture in place, I don't feel I can properly get tidied up.  I therefore have some large boxes lying around, taking up space, and the current lack of a sofa makes things a little uncomfortable in there at the moment, but it is all only temporary. 

Anyways, I should go batten down the hatches - the wind is blowing a right gale here at the moment!  

Alastair Smith : 15 Aug 2007 13:17 |  Comments (3) |  Close comments |  Report a problem